Craptaculous Boundaries are NOT Your Fault!

David Earle said, “The more severe the dysfunction you experienced growing up, the more difficult boundaries are for you.”

And online, one of my followers said, "Nobody ever warns you that when you come from dysfunction, a healthy mind can feel unsafe."

You’re probably feeling these deep down, right?

Because even the most idyllic lives have some dysfunction.

Dysfunction refers to poor and unhealthy behaviors and attitudes within a group of people. Even if your family life was nearly perfect, you probably had a friend group experience that was not—and that shaped you.

And you’re here because you know your relationships have not been…well…what you’d hoped.

And frankly, your parents are just as human as you are, and they made mistakes, which drastically shaped how you experience the world, even if they did the best they could.

Which is why I say that craptaculous boundaries are NOT your fault.

Many of us have grown up with less-than ideal boundaries. Very, very few people are taught healthy boundaries at all.

We don't see them modeled in our families.

We don't see them modeled in our friends.

We don't see them modeled in the movies.

We don't see them modeled on TV.

We very rarely even see them modeled in books.

In fact, when we do dare to show personal boundaries, we’re often taught that it's wrong. That we should do "what's expected," "be nice," or "do as I say."

When we dare to stand up for ourselves, we hear, “Why are you so mean to me?” Or “You don’t appreciate anything I do for you.”

Is it any wonder that by the time we get to relationships, we believe that we need to please others to deserve love?

Nope.

It’s not your fault.

If you want better, though, if you want better FOR YOU, then it is your responsibility.

Setting and enforcing boundaries is intentional change.

You are no longer just ‘going along to get along.’ You are taking a stand. And that means taking responsibility for your actions.

You are the only one who can take this action.

You are the only one who HAS to live with the consequences.

You may be the only one standing in the way of achieving the healthy, loving relationships you desire, avoiding drama and conflict, and living your most authentic life.

At first, that might feel like a weight settling on your shoulders, {{contact.first_name}}, but once you think about it, it will lift, and quite possibly take some worry and stress with it.

Because if it’s your responsibility, it’s also YOUR POWER.

It’s not your fault—it is your power.

And that is one of the greatest secrets I have to share: That you have the power to set boundaries and create the relationships of your wildest dreams.