December 27: What if 2026 is the year you stop doing relationships “right”?

Someone posted on Facebook:

“In a relationship, you can't just do what you want. You always have to think about the other person. And that's what people don't understand.”

I get why this lands for people. It sounds mature. Responsible. Loving, even. And it’s super on-brand with how we’re socialized.

But here’s what I understand now, and it took me years to get here:

I don’t HAVE to do anything.

They don’t HAVE to do anything either.

We can each do what we want.

It’s not selfishness. It’s autonomy. And paradoxically, it’s the thing that makes real intimacy possible.

In my relationships—romantic, sexual, friendships, all of it—what we want is to be happy. And part of what genuinely makes us happy…

…is making each other ecstatically happy.

Not because we’re supposed to. Not because it’s our “role.” Not because someone read a book, watched a reel, or learned a strategy about duty, sacrifice, or holding space.

But because we desire it.

Obligation-based relationships are built on a quiet lie:

If I do enough of what I’m supposed to do, I’ll eventually get what I want.

That’s how resentment is born.

That’s how covert contracts sneak in.

That’s how people-pleasing disguises itself as love—when we value “being in a relationship” more than we value healthy love and real connection.

You start thinking in terms of keeping the peace instead of telling the truth. You negotiate yourself smaller and call it compromise. You constantly “consider” the other person while slowly abandoning yourself.

And then (shocker! ) intimacy dries up.

Healthy relationships aren’t built on obligation. They’re built on mutual desire.

On wanting to choose each other. Yes, even 10 years in. Or 20, or 50.

On trust that both people are there because they want to be, not because they’re trapped by duty or fear.

The language we use around relationships matters. The beliefs we carry matter.

If you believe that love requires self-erasure, you’ll attract situations where that’s demanded.

If you believe connection requires constant sacrifice, you’ll never stop negotiating your needs.

If you believe you have to earn love by being “good,” “easy,” or “low maintenance”…you’ll eventually burn out.

But when you shift the belief—when you start from choice instead of obligation—everything changes.

That’s exactly why I’m bringing 30 Days to End People-Pleasing back.

Starting January 6th, inside The Studio, this is a daily 10–15 minute practice designed to help you:

• Untangle obligation from desire

• Stop over-considering at your own expense

• Build confidence in who you are and how you show up—especially in dating and relationships

I’ve run this before as an email course, and the feedback was phenomenal.
Now I’m taking it live inside The Studio, available to 6-month and yearly members, so you can actually practice these shifts instead of just understanding them intellectually.

If this year you want relationships that feel chosen, not managed, this is a powerful place to start.

https://curiouser.me/the-studio

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I’m genuinely curious: What would YOU do in a relationship if you believed you were allowed to do what you want?

And… what (if anything) terrifies you about a partner doing what they want?

Hit reply. I read every response.