October 9: “When I stop giving, I don’t know what to do.”

What’s the opposite of jaded?

A client said to me the other day:

“I want to stop giving so much of myself to everyone, but when I stop, I don’t know what to do.”

Ah.

Felt.

Another word came up in that conversation: jaded.

Here’s the thing:

Even as I was recovering after my abusive marriage, as I was putting myself back together, relearning myself and recreating myself, I knew that I didn’t want to become jaded.

I didn’t and don’t want to live life as a cynic.

But I also want to protect myself.

And to share myself with people who would share themselves with me.

I want to be my full self with people I choose for my life.

I want to be a hopeless romantic.

I want to be infatuated.

I want to be curious.

Most of all, though?

I want to be engaged.

And I am.

With every person who comes into my life, I want to have that energy available.

AND, I choose to be engaged.

The word engaged is so powerful to me.

(Some of you may emember me writing about engaged consent back in July. Same energy here, but on a wider scale.)

Even when I’m not enthusiastic, I can be engaged with the process.

But when I am enthusiastic, being engaged means I’m part of the process and aware of it, including when I might not be getting back what I need or want.

And that also matters.

I’m engaged with how we communicate.

How we touch.

How we connect.

How spending time feels.

Engaged.

The opposite of closed off, unwilling, jaded.

But also not a free fall into enthusiasm with no guardrails or stoppers.

Intention.

For whatever we build together (even if that’s nothing at all).

And most of all, for me.

So back to my client. And maybe to you.

If you’ve spent years giving yourself away, stopping can feel like stepping into a void.

The answer isn’t to go cold.

It’s to stay engaged and start choosing where your energy goes.

If you’re somewhere between “give everything” and “give nothing” and not sure what engaged looks like for you, book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me.

We’ll figure out what you want to show up for, and what you’re done giving away.

👉 https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Which is scarier for you: getting hurt again, or turning into someone who can’t be hurt anymore?

Hit reply and tell me your word. I’d love to hear it.