May 8: The “clean slate” fantasy…

Something's been making the rounds online, and I cannot let it go without comment.

"Every man you've slept with sits in the corner of our bedroom. You compare his touch, his money, and his lifestyle to the ghosts of your past. A Sovereign man doesn't want to be 'the best you've had.' He wants to be the only one who ever mattered. Clean slates create the strongest masterpieces."

Okay. Let's start with the art history problem.

Many of the most famous paintings in existence were painted over other paintings.

Picasso did this. So did Rembrandt, Magritte, and Van Gogh.

Those layered histories?

That's often where the depth comes from.

So, factually? Wrong.

But also: women aren't canvases.

They aren't blank surfaces waiting to be painted on by some "Sovereign" (whatever that means) man.

They bring their own art to the composition.

They are, to use a radical concept, people.

Misogynistic objectification and a bad metaphor.

Two for two.

Shall we attempt a trifecta?

Here's my actual take on experience: I've never valued virginity.

Not any more than I'd value someone because they've never tasted sushi or traveled abroad.

I wouldn't see them as less... but I also wouldn't see it as a selling point.

What I genuinely want is people who have lived.

Who've formed opinions. Who've chosen curiosity over fear, tried things, and developed some depth of character because of it.

In my many years in kink, I've been approached by countless people who wanted me to be their first, their guide, their mold-er.

And honestly?

That's the ickiest of icks for me.

Not just because of the power imbalance baked in from the start, but because, unlike our Sovereign friend up there, I want to be the best for my partners.

I want us both to have enough experience to know, when we choose each other, that we're choosing.

Not defaulting.

Not settling.

Not doing it out of inexperience or fear of the unknown.

We both have options.

We both know what's out there.

And we pick each other because of that, not in spite of it.

Because of the lives we've lived and bring to the connection.

Because of the depth, the history, the flaws we've survived and grown through.

I know that's not a universal take.

When you're already wrestling with fear or insecurity, the idea that someone with all the choices might still pick you can feel pretty terrifying.

But to me?

That's the most beautiful, self-affirming thing there is.

Chosen by someone who could choose anyone.

Yeah.

That's the one I want.

And I’m lucky enough to have it (and so does he).

If you're trying to figure out what you actually want in a relationship (not what the internet says you should want), let's talk.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation here:

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. What's your take on this? Do you want to be someone's only, or their best?

Hit reply. I genuinely want to know.