March 16: My sweetie just got home. Let me tell you why I'm glad he was gone.
My sweetie got home last night from a weekend away. Cycling with friends and camping.
He came back refreshed in body and spirit, which, honestly?
Was exactly the point.
I stayed home.
Turned off the internet, spent a little time with friends, mostly enjoyed being by myself, picked up a hobby or two.
Two very different humans with radically different needs, doing radically different things.
On purpose.
We all talk about balance.
Work/life balance is everywhere, though I've always found that term a little weird.
Isn't work part of life?
Work/play balance, maybe.
But there's another balance we almost never talk about, one that's quietly wrecking relationships left and right:
Love vs. self.
Together vs. separate.
Couple vs. individual.
Not only do we rarely discuss it, we're often actively discouraged from it.
"Two become one," right?
Pardon my French, but: hell no.
Hard pass.
Not interested.
Thank you.
I used to buy into it. Of course I did!
I was fed a steady diet of it through pop culture, movies, books, every romantic comedy ever made.
NOBODY sat me down and said, "Hey, when you fall in love, it's really important to carefully protect your individuality." Nobody explained how seductive it is to merge. How much you want to belong, to fit, to dissolve into another person in the name of love.
And here's the thing: that impulse?
It's beautiful.
The wanting to merge, especially in those early stages, is gorgeous and human and very real.
AND.
The balance is knowing how to separate again. To do your own thing. To miss each other. To have experiences to bring back to the table.
One of the few things my ex-husband and I genuinely got right: On-Your-Own Nights.
Two nights a week, each of us picked one and did whatever we wanted. Without each other.
A small individuation.
A good one.
I have clients sitting with versions of this right now:
How do I prioritize dating when I'm already super-busy?
How do I build something new without losing myself in it?
How do we untangle after decades of being "one"?
It's an ongoing question. Which means it requires ongoing attention.
If you're wondering what your version of this balance could look like…what you need…what you've been giving away…what you actually want…that's exactly what the Big Ask is for.
Book a free 15-minute consultation and let's figure it out together.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
With love (and my own separate hobbies),
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. I'm genuinely curious about your experience with this. Do you struggle more with losing yourself in relationships, or with letting someone else in at all?
Hit reply. I read every single one.