March 24: He came for me in the comments. Here's what happened.

A man showed up in my Facebook comments last week with a mission.

He wanted me to know that love means putting your partner's needs above your own, always.

That selflessness is the highest form of devotion.

That my whole SELF-ish framework was, essentially, the root of all sin.

(His words. Literally.)

I didn't argue. I engaged.

Because honestly? I understand why people believe this.

From the time we're small, we're taught that love = giving until it hurts. That being a good partner means setting yourself aside again and again for someone else.

It sounds noble.

But it's also how people end up used, resentful, and emotionally hollow.

People of ALL genders.

Here's what I tried to explain:

SELF-ish love isn't selfish in the toxic sense.

It's two whole people who choose each other.

And when they give—time, care, the last bite of dessert—it's not out of duty or guilt.

It's because it genuinely feels good to make that other person happy.

Because the relationship itself is worth showing up for.

That's not sacrifice.

That's desire.

And when it stops feeling like desire and starts feeling like obligation?

That's not a sign to push through.

That's information.

He and I eventually agreed to disagree, and honestly, he ended the conversation graciously.

I respect that.

But it reminded me how many people are still carrying the belief that love requires you to disappear into it.

And how much damage that belief quietly does over time.

You don't have to vanish to love someone deeply. You just have to show up as yourself.

If you've been wondering whether it's possible to build something real without losing yourself in the process and you'd like to actually talk through what that could look like for you, let's do it.

I offer free 15-minute Big Ask consultations.

No pitch, no pressure.

Just a real conversation about where you are and what you want.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I'm genuinely curious: Do you think love requires sacrifice? Or is there a version of love where giving feels like joy instead of duty?

Hit reply and tell me. No wrong answers.