September 18: You’re being judged by other people’s worst mistakes

Last night I had about twenty humans over.

A gathering of weird, wonderful people.

The kind of night where five conversations are happening at once and you're trying to be in all of them.

Topics ranged from bourbon (or “fancy brown liquor” as I prefer to call it)…

To socks…

To the difference between theory and theorem…

To travel destinations…

To, well… kink. (Of course.)

One of those convos was about my friend R.

Now, R is a foot guy.

And before you go “ew” or roll your eyes, pause.

Because what you think you know about foot guys?

There’s a 98.6% chance that info came from the worst possible examples.

You know the ones.

The ones who don’t respect boundaries.

Who make it weird.

Who turn something that could be playful, connecting, and dare I say delightful…into a punchline. Or a trauma.

But here’s the thing about R:

He’s not like that.

He’s kind. Charming. Totally non-creepy.

And honestly? Booked and busy as he wants to be rubbing feet at events because people feel safe with him.

He could absolutely teach a masterclass called:

“How to Not Be a Creep While Touching Feet.”

We laughed about it. But also? It turned into a real conversation.

Because like so many things in life, your identity doesn’t live in isolation.

It gets filtered through the stories other people already believe.

You might be the gentlest person in the world…

But if someone’s been hurt by a people-pleaser that’s the lens they’ll see you through.

You might love deep conversations and intimacy…

But if they’ve met one too many manipulative “sensitive types,” your authenticity might feel suspect.

It’s not fair.

It’s not your fault.

But it is your problem.

Because whatever you are — nerdy, kinky, soft, dominant, awkward, bold—you are being painted with the brush of the worst person in your subculture that someone’s encountered.

Or heard about.

Or read about on Reddit at 2am while hate-scrolling.

So yeah.

It’s not a level playing field out there.

But that’s not a reason to hide.

That’s a reason to learn how to show up better, stronger, and clearer.

More YOU… in a way that makes people feel curious instead of cautious.

That’s what R does.

That’s what I help my clients do.

And if you’re done letting other people’s bad behavior screw up your chances at the connection you actually want?

Let’s talk.

Book your free 15-minute Big Ask consultation here:

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

(We’ll talk about your version of rubbing feet without being a creep.)

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Ever felt unfairly judged because of a group you belong to? Ever been the one judging?

Hit reply. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.