November 3: If you’re nice for results, you’re not nice.

Someone messaged me recently, with a tale of woe.

They’d spent years trying to be the “nice guy.” The good man. The safe, supportive partner.

But all they’d gotten for it?

Cheated on. Ignored. Laughed at. Left for some toxic dudebro with a protein shake and a podcast.

And now?

They were asking themselves (and me):

“Would I have better luck if I just turned toxic too?”

Now, listen.

I get it.

I know how tempting it is to look around the and think,“Welp, maybe women really do want asshats in lifted trucks with alpha wolf tattoos and a superiority complex.”

But here’s the truth:

If you’re even considering “turning toxic” to get better results with women…

You’re already toxic.

You’re just pretending not to be, because you think niceness is a tactic that’s supposed to pay off.

That’s not goodness.

That’s performative compliance.

It’s covert contract territory.

It’s “If I play by the rules, you’ll reward me” energy.

And luckily, most women can smell that bullshit a mile away.

It’s not that you’re too nice.

It’s that your nice is conditional. It’s that your nice is a disguise. It’s that your nice is secretly seething on the inside.

And buddy, hate to break it to you, that’s not nice.

That’s scary.

A truly good person would never see “turning toxic” as a valid strategy—because it would betray their own values.

They wouldn’t burn down their integrity just to get laid.They wouldn’t sacrifice their soul for attention. And they damn sure wouldn’t start blaming everyone else for their lack of results.

Look—I’m not saying dating isn’t brutal out there. It sure can be.

It’s a freaking madhouse of confusion, ghosting, rejection, and “u up?” texts.

But the answer isn’t becoming one of the Toxic Avengers. The answer is doing the hard, healing, identity-shifting work to become someone who is kind, because that’s who they are—not because they think it’ll earn them sex tokens from the Relationship Vending Machine™.

If you’ve felt like this...

If you’ve been so good and so giving and so tired of always being second choice…we should talk.

Let’s do it for free.

Book a 15-minute Big Ask call and bring your realest, rawest question.

I’ll meet you there. No masks. No platitudes. No bullsh*t.Just real answers.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Has this thought ever crossed your mind?

That maybe being good doesn’t get you love (well you’re right about that)—and being bad might? Hit reply and tell me where that story came from. I’m listening. For real.