December 26: This is how you stop tolerating bull 💩.

There’s a word I want to put on your radar today.

Toxitesting.

Toxitesting is when someone deliberately says or does something slightly offensive, disrespectful, or over the line…then watches closely to see what happens.

If you react? They backpedal.

“Oh wow, I was just kidding.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

If you don’t react, though?

They just learned something important.

They learned how much disrespect you’ll tolerate.

Toxitesting shows up a lot in dating. Someone makes a cruel joke, a overly sexual or too-early-sexual comment, or a dismissive remark about your boundaries..and waits to see if you laugh it off.

But it doesn’t stop there.

It’s how racists figure out if they’re “safe” to share their opinions.

It’s how trolls test a group to see if they’ll be tolerated, or rewarded with attention.

It’s how workplaces, families, friend groups, and entire online cultures quietly normalize behavior that should be unacceptable.

And here’s the part most people miss:

Toxitesting only works when someone else does the emotional labor of tolerating it.

Tolerance.

People-pleasing.

And the excuses we make to protect other people from discomfort:

“They grew up in a different generation.”

“They don’t mean anything by it.”

“They’re rough around the edges, but good at heart.”

Every time we explain away behavior that hurts us, we aren’t being kind.

We’re teaching people how to treat us.

And once enough people do that? The behavior doesn’t just become allowed. It becomes normal.

We’re seeing this everywhere right now—online, in dating, in politics, in everyday conversation. Things that would’ve been career-ending or socially unacceptable a decade ago are now shrugged off. Sometimes even defended.

Out loud.

Now, I don’t think I can fix the world.

But I do believe I can help you fix your world.

Because I had to do this work myself.

The strongest defense against toxitesting isn’t better comebacks. It’s not arguments. It’s also not proving you’re “cool” or “easygoing.”

It’s a strong sense of self.

Clear values.

And boundaries you’re willing to hold, even when it’s uncomfortable.

That’s why I created 30 Days to End People-Pleasing, beginning January 6th inside The Studio.

It’s a daily 10–15 minute practice designed to help you:

• Stop tolerating behavior that quietly erodes your confidence

• Recognize when you’re making excuses instead of choices

• Feel grounded in who you are and how you want to show up in your relationships and your life

I’ve run this before as an email course, and the feedback was incredible.

Now we’ll go live inside The Studio and this will be available to 6-month and yearly members as part of your subscription.

If you’re done being the one who absorbs discomfort so everyone else can stay comfortable…this is how you stop.

You can learn more about The Studio here:

https://curiouser.me/the-studio

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I’m genuinely curious. Where have you noticed yourself excusing behavior you wish you hadn’t? Dating, work, family (especially now, around the holidays), friendships…

Hit reply and tell me. I read every message.