December 17: Let’s NOT normalize this, actually.
I saw a post the other day that started held this doozy:
“Let’s normalize NOT sleeping with a man until he’s your husband.”
Followed by a caption filled with “empowering” reasons why a woman should wait:
Because she has standards.
Because she wants clarity.
Because her body is not a trial version, thankyouverymuch.
And listen, some of it sounded great.
It was giving “boundaries.” It was giving “self-respect.” It was giving "Yassss queen reclaim your worth."
But it wasn’t LANDING for me, because…
This was a man telling women that their power, their clarity, and their confidence comes from waiting.
Not from choosing.
Not from self-connection.
But from waiting. For what? His version of “worthy.”
cough cough Bullshit.
Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to wait—for any gender. In fact, one of my clients is in his 40s and still a virgin.
By choice.
Because he decided that’s what fits his values best.
Not because someone told him that “real men wait.”
Not because a pastor or a podcast said he’d be more masculine if he stayed zipped up.
He’s waiting because it feels right to him.
He’s also been exploring his social skills, confidence, and even kink education—with more joy and curiosity than some dudes with double-digit notches.
So I’d rewrite that caption like this:
Sometimes there’s power in choosing connection over impulse.
And sometimes, impulse is the connection.
Some folks find clarity in building emotional intimacy first.
And others need physical closeness to feel emotionally safe.
Some feel most confident keeping sex for commitment.
Others find their confidence by exploring freely.
There is no “WON TWOO WAY to be empowered.
There’s only the path that actually fits you.
So if we’re going to normalize something?
Let’s normalize choosing for yourself.
Let’s normalize not taking advice from a stranger online about your body—especially when it wasn’t asked for. Let’s normalize curiosity over control.
Kindness over judgment.
Love over shame.
And if you’re tired of being stuck in the middle of the Bro-vosphere versus the Purity Pulpit—there is another option.
Book a free 15-minute Big Ask call with me.
Bring your confusion, your stuckness, your “what the hell even is dating now?”
We’ll find your first step toward a love life that feels like yours.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Ever seen takes like that one online? The kind that sound empowering... but low-key reek of control?
Hit reply and tell me. I’m all ears—and side-eyes.