December 30: This one belief wrecks more relationships than cheating does.
A few days ago, I said this:
“You can love someone to pieces and still miss them completely.”
Short. Simple. True.
At least, to me.
But someone replied with:
“No, you can’t.”
Only they didn’t stop there.
They wrote 400+ words explaining how someone who really loved them would, obviously, intuitively understand their needs, never misunderstand, and basically be a mind-reader with a PhD in Emotional Labor.
And to that, I say—again, louder for the folks in the back:
You can absolutely love someone to pieces and still miss them.
Miss their bids.
Miss their pain.
Miss their freakin' point.
Love doesn’t automatically come with attunement, compatibility, or healthy behavior. It doesn’t make you neurotypical, trauma-free, or un-socialized from the entire world (or even just the Bro-vosphere). It sure as sard doesn’t guarantee good relationship skills.
In fact?
The belief that “If they loved me, they’d get it right” is usually a symptom of the very things that cause misattunement in the first place.
✨ Socialization.
✨ Trauma.
✨ Neurospiciness.
And so on. Unrealistic expectations and relationship scripts are handed out like samples are handed out at Costco.
Honestly, it hurts how common this is.
It’s wild how many people would rather believe they were never loved...than admit someone did love them—and still fumbled the hell out of it.
It’s not weakness to admit that love isn't magic.
It’s strength.
If you haven’t figured it out, yes, this is about people-pleasing.
When you run yourself ragged trying to earn love, perform love, prove love—you start believing that others should do the same.
“Look how much I gave. Why didn’t they?”
Healthy relationships aren’t tit-for-tat.
They’re boundaries, standards, and compassion for human limitations. They’re about giving what you can afford and being honest when the return isn’t sustainable.
Because love ≠ effort.
Love ≠ understanding.
Love ≠ compatibility, chemistry, or shared values.
And no amount of over-giving will fix it when those things are missing.
If this hit somewhere tender, and you’re ready to start changing how you show up—for yourself, not for them—join me for 30 Days to End People-Pleasing, starting January 6th.
Built for your brain
Inside The Studio for 6-month and yearly members
You don’t have to give it all away to feel loved.
You just have to give yourself permission to stop.
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Has someone ever loved you… and still totally missed you? Or vice-versa? What did that feel like?
Hit reply—I’d love to hear your story.