February 4: So I approached men. Here’s what didn’t happen.

In 2015, I ran a dating experiment.

Unofficial. Unfunded. Totally unscientific.

Still fascinating.

I created a second dating profile—nearly identical to my real one. Same face. Same info. Slightly different pics.

But here’s the twist:

✨ My real account? I waited for men to message me.
✨ The clone account? I did all the initiating.

Same city. Same vibe. Same Me.

But the outcomes? Night and day.

Across 3 months:

— My personal profile got 272 messages and 17 dates.
— My clone profile? I sent 350 messages... and got zero in-person dates.
— Every message I sent was thoughtful. Personalized. 3–5 sentences long.
— Most men replied. Most were flattered. A few were effusive.

And yet? Not a one showed up.

Some even matched with both profiles. (Plot twist: 24 of the 29 had almost the exact same first initial messages, except for responding to what I said. 2 of them did meet me in person—after approaching me.)

What I found is this:

Men say they love being approached.

And they do…except they don’t respond to it.

Because deep down, some part of them may still be wired to want pursuit—not just connection.

Or maybe it’s Initifatigue™ — the exhaustion from always being the one to make the first move, and it’s refreshing to be approached, but that’s not how they PICK.

Or maybe my flirty openers were just trash. (¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Whatever the reason—even with the same woman, same intentions, and same charm…

Approaching = fewer results.

I’ve seen others say the same.

Lexie Janson. A few exhausted Reddit queens. Not a lot of women talk about it online, but we DO compare experiences.

Turns out, being the one who initiates can make you feel invisible.

I’m not saying women shouldn’t approach.

I’m not even saying it never works.

I like approaching. I’ll still do it.

But if you’re a guy who's wondering why your inbox looks like a tumbleweed factory even though you’re being kind, clear, and genuinely trying?

It might not be you.

It might be… the structure.

And I have thoughts.

I’ll be sharing them later today in a new YouTube video with advice that doesn’t stink of gym socks, gamer rage, or gender wars.

Subscribe here.

Because I’ve done the years of research and data-gathering.

I’ve worn both hats.

And I’ve got some ideas that might just shift everything.

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you ever tried switching roles—initiator vs. responder—and gotten totally different results? Or do you have a theory about why this works (or doesn’t)?

Hit reply and let’s get curious together.