December 23: “I had no idea anything was wrong.”
These days, social media is filled with videos and posts calling out divorced men, separated men, grieving men, angry men…
“It came out of nowhere.”
Cue the eye rolls. The duets. The stitches.
“OF COURSE he knew.”
“He’s lying.”
“He noticed...he just thought he could get away without even doing the bare minimum.”
And for some guys? That’s true.
But I don’t think most of them are lying. I think they’re telling the truth.
And that’s actually just as bad.
Because it means they were in a relationship with someone they claimed to love…and still didn’t notice that person living with unmet needs, giving up, and checking out.
I remember the exact moment I realized my previous relationship was over.
Not officially. That took another year and a half.
But that moment in the car was the KNOWING.
He did something—nothing dramatic, just annoying and I yelled.
I don't remember the offense. What I do remember is this:
He turned to me and said, “You don’t have to yell. You could just say it in a normal voice.”
I was SHOOK.
Because I had. So. Many. Times. With my normal voice.
And I told him that. That it wasn’t the first time, or the fifth, or the tenth.
And he blinked and said:
“Well, how was I supposed to know it was important to you?”
And there it was. The end of us.
Not because he was cruel. Not because he cheated. Not because we didn’t love each other.
But because I didn’t want to spend my life having to break down emotionally every time I wanted to be taken seriously by my partner.
And listen, I loved him. I still loved him when I ended it. While he packed. While we said goodbye.
But I also knew: Love isn’t enough for me if the other person doesn’t respond until it’s DEFCON 1.
So when I see these men online saying, “She never told me!”
I think—Maybe.
Or maybe…they just never noticed (or cared) until she was done.
This isn’t a male-only problem.
It’s a human one.
But if you can identify… and you don’t want to be the one who “didn’t know” until the papers were signed…?
You’re gonna need a new strategy:
One where you listen the first time.
One where love isn’t powered only by panic.
One where you get to feel seen, too.
That’s exactly what I help people build.
If you’re ready to do things differently in 2026, book a free 15-minute Big Ask call with me.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
You don’t have to guess what’s important. You just have to show up like it already is.
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. This one hit close to home? Maybe you’ve been that person… or dated that person.
I’d love to hear about it. Hit reply and tell me.