January 7: What if the person you desire… is your enemy?

“Why did you use a man’s voice? It was obviously a woman! Only women believe that you can read their mind.”

That was the email I got after I posted a video on December 30th about misunderstanding someone you love.

They’ve been subscribed to me for months.

And still.

Still.

If I use a gender-neutral voice in writing? People assume a gender.

If I actually use someone’s gender—because I know it from real life? Wrong.

If I choose a gender randomly, so I am not favoring or picking on one gender over another? Still wrong.

It’s like Schrödinger’s Gender.

No matter what I choose, someone’s mad.

And here’s what’s extra maddening:

The same folks who bark when I don’t specify gender are the ones who bark when I do.

Let me be clear.

When I use someone’s gender in a story, it’s because I knew it at the time. Or I guessed, based on the interaction. (Spoiler: I don’t stop mid-convo and demand a gender ID badge.)

When I create examples?

I randomize. Masculine, feminine, androgynous. I don’t build lessons on stereotypes—I build them on truths.

But the moment I share those truths? Someone often assumes it’s an attack on their gender.

Or when I say things like, “Here’s how to avoid mansplaining,” someone pops in to say “Thanks for womansplaining.” 🙄

Buddy. I’m not telling you what to do.

I’m offering something that’s worked better for me, for my clients, and for the people who want to actually connect.

That’s it.

I’m not here to wage war on men—or anyone.

I’m here to help people love better.

Love, sex, romance, kink, affection, wild fun, intimacy?

That’s the goal.

That’s the work.

And you can’t do any of that—not healthily—if the people you want to touch are also the people you resent, fear, or blame.

If that’s you?

You’re not a villain. You’re just a haterosexual—romantically attracted to the very people you fear, disrespect, or resent.

And yeah… that’s a you problem.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Wanna talk about how to get out of that loop?

Book your free 15-minute Big Ask consultation here:

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

It’s free. It’s real. And it’s not about “fixing” you—it’s about discovering who you actually are, and building your love life from there.

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have thoughts about gender, assumptions, or maybe you just want to yell into the void for a second?

Hit reply. I read every one.