February 6: What happens when everyone is tired of trying?

Is the pressure to always initiate burning men out?

I think it is.

And before anyone jumps in with the usual hot takes, let’s slow this down and actually look at what’s happening.

Men are told—constantly—that they should initiate first. Approach. Lead. Risk rejection. Carry the momentum. Try again.

And again.

And again.

Bueller..

Bueller..

Meanwhile, women are absolutely bombarded with attention.

So here’s the real issue that no one wants to name:

How do you put the pressure down… when there’s always another man knocking on her virtual door?

And no—I’m not saying women are “attention whores” who can’t get enough validation from whining, sniveling men beseeching us.

That’s lazy thinking. And it misses the point entirely.

The issue usually isn’t attention.

It’s overwhelm.

Women aren’t swimming in one clean, coherent signal.

We’re wading through dozens of different types of attention—sexual, performative, transactional, entitled, anxious, aggressive, flattering, strategic, manipulative, sincere—and just trying to figure out what’s what.

Separating signal from noise takes energy.

So does responding thoughtfully.

So does initiating.

And here’s where it gets uncomfortable.

Yes, there can be a kind of entitlement in the system—but not always the cartoonish version men are warned about.

It’s often entitlement as in:

“This is what we’ve been trained to expect and accept—even when it doesn’t actually suit us.”

A few days ago, I wrote about my own experiment with online dating.

When I initiated, it went nowhere.

When I let men approach, I got dates.

Other women have reported the same experience.

And even more have noticed that when we try to revive stalled conversations—doing the emotional labor men say we should—the results are often… worse.

Meanwhile, men are told online to “be the prize,” to stay in their masculine, to let women fight for them.

But when we don’t—and when you don’t—there’s always another man stepping in.

Even if that’s not what anyone actually wants.

I’m an open, honest person.

I’m guessing you are too—or you want to be. Otherwise my work wouldn’t land for you.

And you’ve probably noticed this frustrating truth:

Being clear and direct doesn’t work with some people.

They project.

Assume games.

Invent subtext that isn’t there.

And suddenly you’re exhausted.

So what do you do?

There isn’t a single answer—because people don’t have the same resources.

Not the same time. Not the same emotional bandwidth. Not the same desires.

A 40-year-old virgin who loves anime and bondage is going to thrive in a very different environment than a 43-year-old divorced man exploring nonmonogamy, intimacy, and community.

This is why I love coaching.

And why I keep space open for Big Ask consultations.

Because in just 15 minutes, we can cut through the noise, name your actual problem, and identify a next step that doesn’t grind you down further.

If you’re tired of cycling through initifatigue—and ready for something that actually fits—book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me here:

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

No scripts.

No one-size-fits-all advice.

Just clarity.

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I’m genuinely curious where you land on this. Do you feel the pressure to initiate is burning you out—or do you think men should just “suck it up”?

Hit reply and tell me what you’re seeing from your side. I read every response.