January 8: Foreplay starts when...?
A friend of mine posted to her feed recently:
“I love when a man understands that foreplay should start days before the actual encounter 😍”
And whew—I felt that.
But let me back up for a second.
In a relationship group I’m in, a man recently asked:
“How many of you women actually try to understand men?”
Now... he said it in a way that was more of a blame-dump than a genuine question.
But still. It’s a good question. Under the right circumstances.
And today I want to tell you a bit more about my journey.
Back in the early 2000s, I’d just clawed my way out of an abusive marriage.
I was newly single, deeply curious, and completely done with advice that only made sense if you were already “normal.” (Whatever that is…)
I also wanted to better understand the people I was most likely to end up in a relationship with. Men.
So, naturally...I joined adult chat rooms, found my way into the pick-up artist scene, got real cozy with seduction forums and underground men’s communities (back before incels and MGTOWs had official labels), and I met David Shade—a man I would eventually call a mentor.
He wasn’t perfect. Far from it. I disagreed with him on A LOT.
But he was one of the good people in those circles teaching more than tricks to hit-it-and-quit-it. He’s the one who I first heard say:
“Everything is sex.”
And for me, that rang SO TRUE at the time.
I wanted sex. Good sex, great sex, sex that blew me apart and put all my pieces back together in the right way. Intentional sex that BOTH people participated in…
So yeah, damn near everything was sex for me at the time.
Over the years, I’ve updated that idea for myself and my clients:
“Not everything is sex… but everything you do can either make sex more likely or less likely. It’s up to you.”
And honestly?
You can swap out the word sex for love, romance, kink, joy…it still holds.
The little things matter.
The way you move through the world… it adds up. Every smile, every text, every micro-gesture is either pulling intimacy to you or pushing it further away. And I don’t mean that in a manipulative, “game” kind of way.
I mean that in a you have more power than you think kind of way.
So if you’re sitting there wondering why love feels so far away, maybe the first step isn’t a new app, or a new “alpha” strategy or be “more feminine.”
Maybe it’s just learning to notice.
To choose what brings you closer.
To practice what aligns with who you want to be.
That’s what I can help you do.
If you’re ready to figure out what’s blocking your connection and how to change it, book a free 15-minute Big Ask session with me.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. What do you think foreplay looks like before the bedroom? Or have you ever had someone make you feel incredibly desired… long before they touched you?
Hit reply. I’d love to hear your story.