December 18: The contract they never signed (but you’re still mad about).
You do the dishes. You don’t get laid. You do get mad.
Welcome to the covert contract.
You didn’t say what you were after with your household generosity of course. You just hoped your efforts would be noticed. Rewarded. Matched.
But instead... you're left holding a dirty sponge and resentment.
Yesterday, I edited an old YouTube Live I did in 2022, based on a writing from 2017, in which I said:
Covert contracts are ruining your relationships.
Still true. Maybe more true now.
Here’s what a covert contract sounds like:
“If I do this thing, they’ll do that thing.”
Except you never said that out loud.
And your partner? They didn’t sign anything.
You kept your terms secret. You just assumed they'd get the memo. Spoiler: They didn’t, and may not have agreed if they had.
You folded their laundry. They didn’t initiate sex.
You watched their favorite show. They didn’t thank you or plan something you’d like.
You gave up something important to you, hoping they'd notice…and they didn’t.
So now? You’re not just disappointed.
You’re pissed. Burdened. Resentful.
And starting to question whether they even care at all.
This is how covert contracts rot relationships from the inside out.
And here’s the kicker:
It’s not just entitlement.
Most of the time, it’s mismatched love languages, emotional exhaustion, and a deep fear of actually asking for what you want.
Because what if they say no?
But real connection requires consent, not crossing your fingers hoping they pick up your brain waves.
So instead of mentally listing all the things you do for them the next time you’re in a fight, try this:
Say what you want.
Ask for what you need.
And negotiate out loud. Like a grown-up.
Even better? Learn how to make that ask in a way that actually works for both of you.
That’s one thing I can help you with. Being more YOU and creating relationships that fulfill you both.
Want that?
Book your free 15-minute Big Ask consultation.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
Let’s rewrite your love life—no hidden clauses (just Heather Claus, LOL!) required.
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. I’d love to hear from you—have you ever been in a covert contract? Either as the one who made it up in your head… or the one who was expected to fulfill a secret fantasy without knowing the rules?
Hit reply and spill. No judgment, just real talk.