February 5: Casual sex isn’t the problem. This is.
Is casual sex wrong?
Nope. Not in my book.
Is it wrong for you?
It may be. And that’s OK.
A 23-year-old posted recently about his casual sex history—about 13 experiences—and how it’s leaving him feeling more guilty than satisfied.
He’s not anti-sex. He’s not a prude. He’s just…misaligned.
And that matters.
Because when you live out of sync with your values—even if what you’re doing isn’t “wrong”—you’ll feel it.
Like a splinter in your brain.
Like shoes that almost fit, but give you blisters anyway.
See, his question isn’t really about sex. It’s about authenticity.
He wants love. He wants a family. He wants connection.
But he’s afraid. Of the risk. Of the hurt. Of the vulnerability it takes to actually get those things.
So he picked the “safer” option.
He hooked up.
Except… that doesn’t feel safe to him either.
It feels hollow. Off.
It leaves a residue of shame—not because he’s broken, but because this path just isn’t his.
And that’s what no one tells you:
Casual sex isn’t the problem.
Monogamy isn’t the solution.
The mismatch is always the poison.
I’m nonmonogamous. I love casual sex. But I also coach for values, not for lifestyles.
I have one client—a virgin when we met—who came to me wanting to reduce shame, explore kink, and find a girlfriend.
He now has two special ladies in his life. Two amazing, vibrant women he’s exploring love with.
(Which makes me giggle, because he swore up and down he was monogamous.)
Turned out, he didn’t need to pick a box.
He needed to get to know himself.
Next week, I’m teaching a workshop called:
Nonmonogamy: Labels, Labels, Who’s Got the Labels? (Tuesday, 8pm ET)
It’s for anyone who’s felt boxed in, behind, or like they’re “doin it rong.”
We’ll talk labels.
What they mean. What they don’t mean. And how to use them as tools—not cages.
Because your relationships? Shouldn’t just fit social expectations.
They should fit you.
(Don’t wait. This one's gonna be juicy.)
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Ever felt torn like that 23-year-old? Hookups that felt wrong? Monogamy that felt forced? Or anything else that fit like a too-small wool sweater that your grandmother gave you, so you feel obligated to wear it?
Reply and tell me your story—I’d genuinely love to hear it.