January 23: Why she chose the douchebag (and not you).

Why do women say they want one thing but date the complete opposite?

I get that question a lot.

Social media, coaching calls, DMs, you name it.

A month or so ago, a client asked it again.

He’d been talking to a (woman) friend of his... who was dating a real douche.

I asked how he knew. He gave examples:

The guy said terrible things behind her back.

Rude. Dismissive. Cynical. Mysogynystic.

So I asked, “Do you think that’s how he talks to her?”

And after a pause, he admitted—no, definitely not.

Which meant she wasn’t seeing the same man he was.

She was getting the curated, limited edition, emotionally house-trained version.

And this is the part people miss:

Some men are very good at acting. Like…Oscar-worthy.

Some know how to be charming, emotionally fluent, attentive...right up until they’ve got what they want.

Then the mask slips. Or it shatters.

But until then?

They play the role to perfection. .

Some women see through it.

A lot don’t—especially if they’ve never had to.

Because the truth is...

Good people want to believe others are good. And if they don’t know what manipulation looks like—how would they know they’re being manipulated?

Just like my client.

He is a good guy. And it took watching carefully for the past four weeks to finally notice how many men he knew wore a mask.

And it’s not just women falling for it.

Men get fooled, too.

Cheated on. Lied to. Taken advantage of.

Because being treated badly doesn't always feel foreign.

Sometimes it feels... familiar.

If you've spent a lifetime being overlooked, dismissed, or hurt—then kindness can feel suspicious.

Like you're waiting for the catch.

Being treated well can actually feel bad if it’s not what you’re used to.

And mistreatment can feel normal.

So when people say they want “a good person”—they might mean it, but what they accept, over and over again, often tells a different story.

It’s not hypocrisy.

It’s trauma.

It’s programming.

It’s human.

But patterns can be changed. That’s what I help people do every day.

If you’re ready to figure out why your patterns aren’t working—and how to change them—let’s talk.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consult with me here:

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

No gimmicks.

No BS.

Just real clarity.

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I’d love to know—have you ever watched someone date a total trainwreck and wonder what the actual fork was going on?

Or maybe… you’ve been that person yourself? 👀

Hit reply and tell me what you’ve seen or learned—I promise you’re not alone.