November 5: A strange Amazon review (and why it’s right).
I have a review on Amazon on my book Start With No: For those who give too much—a new plan for dating.
Here it is, word for word:
“Dating is dating, and it is short-term. This book revolves around dating, which is short-term. This book should be a self-help book, not so much a relationship or dating book.”
Um, thanks. I guess?
I’m not totally sure what they meant, but I’ll take it.
Because they’re right.
Back in 2017, I wrote a piece called “Are you relationshipping your dating?”
Dating is about finding a good long-term partner.
True.
But dating is not the long-term relationship itself. That’s why it gets its own word. Dating.
Because it’s a critical step in the relationship process.
It’s the get-to-know-you step, sure.
It’s also the have-lots-of-fun-and-explore step.
And that fun part?
Critical.
Having fun together builds a foundation of memories.
If you do make it to a long-term relationship, that’s what you’ll build love, laughter, and even more fun on.
And if you don’t make it, it’s probably because you found out you weren’t a good fit.
But you still had fun.
Or, if the dates were really bad you walk away with those glorious “worst date I ever had” stories to share with friends, and with your eventual match when you finally connect.
Now, about that shopping list you need checked off before you’ll even agree to a date.
It’s a great guideline.
But sometimes things aren’t exactly what they seem, so it’s worth keeping an open mind.
One year, I went on 127 first dates.
I made some amazing friends, collected a handful of those stories, and learned two things:
How to “read” people online better.
Meeting A LOT of people online and then off taught me to read between the lines, and to see how certain patterns in online speech and behavior tend to translate into real-time interaction.
Those of you familiar with BHDM will understand this. I was preaching it in 2017 (that’s a direct quote of myself). LONG before she started her thing online. She does the rhetoric thing better, though, LOL!
A lot more of what I do not want in a partner.
Yes.
LOTS of this.
So enjoy your dating.
Enjoy the process.
You don’t have to take it so seriously.
If someone’s shaping up to be a potential “the one” (or “another one,” for my nonmono folks), you have plenty of time to relationship.
Quick gut check: are you treating every first date like an interview for forever?
If that sounds a little too familiar, let’s talk.
In a free 15-minute Big Ask call, we’ll look at where you might be relationshipping your dating, and how to put the fun back in.
👉 Book your Big Ask here: https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
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Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Today I’m adding my book Dating Kinky to the Studio Discord discussion group. It’s out of date in places, but there’s still a lot in it that applies to kinky dating and relationships nearly 10 years later.
Want to read along (and maybe argue with Past Me)? Reply “I want to learn” and I’ll get you in.