November 3: No vibe, no forcing it. Period.

Yesterday, one of the members in my private discord community commented something that I wanted to share with you.

“In my longest relationship, we agreed early on that my partner had the higher sex drive. On one level, that was true. On another, it wasn’t. I want sex that feels connected, and that’s not something they were ever able to understand. So I ended up feeling like I had to perform, and they felt like I didn’t do enough.

Since then, I’ve been tracking when sex feels connected to me and when it doesn’t, and I’ve let relationships go or drift into platonic. ‘Connected’ probably isn’t the right word, but it’s the best one I have. Sometimes when we touch or kiss, it’s like a wall that says no.”

I get it.

I experience something very much like it.

It’s a gestalt.

It’s why I identify as vibesexual.

That vibe has to be there.

In a moment, in a year.

For the first time, for the 1000th time.

If it’s not there, there is no forcing it.

Period.

And I know, even when I can’t fully explain it.

Some vibes take 15 minutes.

Some take 15 years.

Some stay through thick and thin, and some vanish with the first conflict.

Another word for vibe (for me) is intuition. It’s not exactly 1-to-1, but it’s close.

A vibe is me intuiting that someone will be good for me in a sexy, romantic way.

Oh, I’m sure you know.

You’ve vibed.

And you know that vibing doesn’t mean they’ll always be good for you, right?

That’s when the vibe ends for me.

In most people it’s tenuous at best.

For a good time, not for a long time.

For a specific situation, but not for ALL the situations.

But when I feel it, I know.

And when I don’t... I also know.

It’s clear as day.

I may absolutely adore someone and want them in my life forever, and they may never vibe with me.

And that’s OK.

A vibe is not a judgment call on whether someone is a good person or worthy of love.

It’s more primal than that.

Further down my anatomy than the heart, LOL!

It’s why I use the term vibesexual instead of vibeamorous.

So here’s my question for you.

Have you ever felt that “no” wall?

Or found yourself on the other side of someone else’s wall, wondering what you did wrong?

Maybe you’ve spent years performing desire you didn’t feel, or chasing a connection that was never going to vibe back.

That’s exactly the kind of thing we dig into in a Big Ask session.

15 minutes. Free. No pressure. Just bring the thing you can feel but can’t quite put into words.

👉 https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

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Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Are you vibesexual too? Or does desire work completely differently for you? Hit reply and tell me how it works in your body. I read every one.