November 2: When desire goes out to sea…

Someone recently asked me a question that I want to share with you.

“I feel like my libido and kinks ebb and flow like tides in the Bay of Fundy. Sometimes I just can’t get enough and sometimes there is no desire at all. Is this a known pattern for people?”

Short answer: Yes!

Longer answer:

Very few people are exactly the same throughout their lives.

This is one reason I’ve been proselytizing for YEARS to create relationships in your life based on more than just sex or kink compatibility.

Because what works now may not work 10 years from now.

And if that’s what you built your life together upon, you may lose everything.

I know this one from the inside.

I had four major surgeries in nine months.

I couldn’t have sex for a while (doctor’s orders).

Then I wanted it and could have it, but my partner was worried I was fragile and he might break me (which is NOT sexy).

Then it turned out the hormones that were disrupted made sex more challenging.

And then they made it... different.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve got the “dose” right, and I’m on top of the world.

And sometimes I can look at my partner, want sex, and not have the energy to do a damn thing about it.

Which is why the difference between desire (wanting sex) and libido or drive (the “go-get-em” part of sex) is so important.

And then there is passion, or orgasm (the ability to experience pleasure) on top of that.

All of these things work together.

All are affected by both psychological and physiological factors. And don’t forget medications!

There’s a fourth layer so many people don’t include:

Giving and receiving.

There are times I’m happy to receive and don’t feel up to giving.

And there are just as many times I’m happy to give and don’t really feel like receiving, for whatever reason.

Many people miss out on this, because we’ve all been socialized to believe giving and receiving happen at the same time in “good” or “right” or “fair” sex.

For me, the key in all of this is the ability to connect in many ways beyond sex and kink with the people in my life.

Not just emotionally, but cuddling, physical and verbal expressions of affection, spending time together, being friends.

If your tide is out right now (or your partner’s is) and you’re not sure what to do with that, let’s talk.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation and we’ll figure out which layer is actually shifting, and what connection can look like while it does.

👉 https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

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Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Has a shift in sex (yours or your partner’s) ever ended a relationship, or come close? Hit reply and tell me. And if you can, name the layer: desire, drive, passion, or giving vs. receiving.

I suspect most people blame the wrong one, or don't realize that there are layers at all.