October 16: I’m OK with losing those people.

Yesterday I talked about Do What Works, and how what works depends on what you’re actually prioritizing.

As promised, here are a few examples.

Some of them might seem a little odd to others.

That’s kind of the point.

A friend of mine recently moved from the US to Australia with her partner.

They don’t live together.

They each have their own place on the same plot of land.

Why move across the planet together and not share a house?

Because that’s what works for them.

They’re putting what works for them ahead of what other people think, and even ahead of what’s expected.

And they’re not the only ones.

There’s a couple I knew when I was younger, the parents of a friend.

They bought homes next door to each other so each of them had their own space and could still be close.

Their two kids rotated on a four-week schedule:

Boy in home one, girl in home two.

Both in home one.

Girl in home one, boy in home two.

Both in home two.

And so on.

Both parents were active parents.

They helped with homework, taught the kids different hobbies and skills, and each got one kid-free week a month.

They were married 62 years.

Doing what works isn’t always about where you sleep, though.

A client of mine is working through some relationship anxiety.

I gave her a goal for one week: feel your feelings, but don’t immediately react to them.

At one point she was holding her tongue so she wouldn’t react in a way that went against her values, and she told me, “It felt uncomfortable. Like an itch.”

And then?

The thing she was worried about happened on its own, without her prompting.

Yes, a bit later than she’d hoped.

But it happened.

And the conversation about it felt productive and affirming.

She prioritized long-term change over immediate relief and the feeling of control.

That’s what worked.

Now me.

I can be... intense.

The ADHD part of me gets fascinated by people.

I want to know everything, connect on every level, explore every millimeter.

For some people, that’s too much.

Many others read it as far more emotionally invested than it is.

And yes, it’s ended a few relationships through misunderstandings, expectations, and just…mismatched energy.

I could change myself to make relationships like those “work.”

But what really works for me is not making myself less.

I’m OK with losing the people who need less from me.

Because my priority is being my authentic self and finding the people who match that.

So, what are you prioritizing?

And is what you’re doing actually working for that?

If you suspect you’ve been bending yourself to fit what’s “normal,” let’s talk.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me.

We’ll figure out what you really want to prioritize and what “what works” looks like for you.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. What’s something that you do in your relationships or dating life that other people might find odd—but it works for you?

Hit reply and tell me. I want to hear it.