October 15: Blocked, ignored, and still winning?
Do What Works.
It’s one of my mottos, and it sounds almost too simple.
But stick with me, because what works depends entirely on what you’re prioritizing.
Last week, I wrote about why sending “hi” as a first message doesn’t work.
One guy took that personally.
Very personally.
He argued with me, then moved on to arguing with the other women in the comments about how we were wrong to interpret “hi” the way we do.
(Yes. He explained to women how women should feel about the messages women get. Bold strategy.)
The last thing I said to him was this:
“Here’s something you may understand: You now know how people interpret that “hi.” You can do with that what you will.”
And that’s what I mean when I say Do What Works.
If something is working for you, like “hi,” don’t let me or anyone else tell you differently.
Because it’s working.
And if something is not working?
Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to keep doing it because that’s what’s “normal” or “expected.”
Here’s where it gets interesting, though:
“What works” is subjective.
It changes depending on how you look at a situation.
This morning I got a real banger of a message from a total stranger.
Let’s just say the sender had very detailed plans for what he wanted me to do to him, and hygiene was not invited.
(I’ll spare you. You’re welcome.)
For him, simply sending that message works.
Because it feels good.
He doesn’t actually hope for or expect a response.
What he’s prioritizing is the “hit” of dopamine.
The drive.
The pursuit.
Not the positive result of actually connecting with a human being.
If we go a little deeper, we might suspect he’s also prioritizing being right.
Right that the women he messages are awful, mean, snooty, scary gold-diggers.
Classic haterosexual territory.
And every block, every silence, every angry reply?
More proof.
He gets to keep believing it.
He is doing what works.
It just isn’t working for connection.
This is one of my favorite discussions to have with clients, because when you get honest about what you’re really prioritizing, the shift in your life can be massive.
Tomorrow I’ll share a few other examples.
In the meantime, if you’ve been doing what’s “supposed” to work and it isn’t getting you what you want, let’s find out what you’re actually optimizing for.
Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me.
We’ll look at what’s working, what isn’t, and what you want it to work for.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. What’s something you kept doing in dating or a relationship long after it stopped working? Or something that works great for you even though “everyone” says it shouldn’t?
Hit reply. I want to hear it.