October 14: Over or under? Choose wisely.
Let’s talk about the Great TP Debate.
You probably know of it.
Does the toilet paper go up and over to the front, or down and under to the back?
People have strong opinions.
I have strong opinions.
I won’t say which side I’m on (there need be no lines drawn this early in the day), but I will say that I have a partner who agrees with me.
And before I go further into this, I’d like to point out that I’m not really writing about toilet paper.
Even though I am.
I’m writing about power struggles, which I talk about in Fight Less, Love More: Simple steps to transform tension into togetherness.
(Which, btw, is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited or FREE in my Curiouser + Curiouser Studio discord. Join by shooting me a message that says “I want to learn.”)
Back in 2017, I wrote a blog post called F*ck No, I Will Not Compromise.
Someone decided to challenge me with the TP debate, saying that if two people disagree on how TP is rolled, they will have to compromise.
He said:
“It annoys the crap out of me when toilet paper is hung so that it hangs down at the back, and my partner always does that—just to annoy me.”
I disagreed.
To me, that conversation points out the difference between two people against the problem and two people against each other.
Two people against each other will always result in one of three things:
Compromise.
Someone being overruled.
Breakup.
Maybe, if they do nothing, continued fighting. Which eventually leads to one of those things anyway, just taking the long way to get there.
But I digress.
Here’s what I replied about the TP (this is in Fight Less, Love More):
First, I’d suggest that your partner does it out of habit, because your partner has done it their way for so long.
That’s a more loving perspective.
But there is still the challenge of how the TP is hung, right?
Well, let’s talk about solutions that don’t require one person forcing the other into something that doesn’t work:
More than one bathroom? Assign a different TP direction for each.
Remove the toilet paper holders, and put it in a basket on the back of the toilet, or install a shelf to hold it.
Get a vertical toilet paper holder.
Put TWO holders in, one above the other or side-by-side, for theirs and mine rolls (which has the added benefit of making for fun conversation and LOTS of loving laughs, and I know this because I stole that idea from friends who did just this).
There are absolutely going to be some things you may not be able to accept in your life.
Fundamental incompatibilities.
Maybe you want children, and they do not, or vice-versa.
That’s a common one.
Fact is, trying to force a partner to change on those things is not going to work happily in the long run, so better to realize you’re incompatible.
For everything else, though, working together you can solve most problems fairly easily with a bit of creativity.
And if you need help, ask a friend, a therapist, a coach, or even the internet for ideas, like this:
“Hi group! My partner and I are having a challenge with [insert difference here] and we’re stumped, so I’m turning to your collective wisdom. What is the BEST way to meet both of our needs? Positive answers only (and silly/ridiculous answers welcome)!”
So here’s my question for you: What’s your toilet paper issue?
The thing you keep circling back to.
The thing where it feels like it has to be your way or their way, and somebody’s gonna to lose.
Mine is how to cook those cheap Top Ramen packs. There is only one right way, and my ex-husband did it wrong.
Bring me YOUR toilet paper relationship issue.
Book a free 15-minute Big Ask and we’ll put the two of you on the same side of the problem, and find a solution where nobody gets overruled.
--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Okay, now I’m curious. Over or under? And what’s the most creative solution you’ve ever seen (or invented) for a couple’s version of the TP debate?
Hit reply and tell me which side you’re on. Silly and ridiculous answers very welcome.