October 12: “Hi” works. Sometimes.
Last June, I wrote about a man I met at a class presented by a friend of mine called “The Ins and Outs of Casual Sex.”
He was the kind of guy who floated around the community like a background character.
Always nearby, never quite in the scene.
I could see it on him.
He wanted in.
He just didn’t know how.
So I looked him in the eye and said, “Hi.”
Then I turned back to the small group I was chatting with and brought him in.
He didn’t say much, but he smiled.
And the next day, he messaged me to say thank you.
Because he never knows what to say.
Because I made space.
That “hi” meant something.
It got me thinking then about how many conversations, friendships, connections (even relationships) never happen because we overthink the first word.
We rehearse entire Shakespearean monologues in our heads.
We imagine every rejection scenario short of getting hit with a tomato.
We twist ourselves into pretzels trying to be “interesting” or “clever” or “cool.”
When most of the time, “hi” is enough to start.
In person.
In person, “hi” comes with a whole delivery system.
Tone of voice.
Eye contact.
Body language.
The fact that I physically turned and made room in the circle.
The word wasn’t much.
Everything around it did the heavy lifting.
Online, you don’t have any of that.
You really only have whatever words you offer.
Which is why, when a man responded to my writing last week with this:
“Hi isn’t a scan of someone’s motives - it’s a signal judging someone level of interest based on that alone is superficial”
I replied:
“You’re arguing against women responding to what they can see, demanding credit for thoughts and feelings you didn’t bother to express.”
Here’s the thing:
There is no hard and fast rule for succeeding in connection.
What works for one person will not work for another.
What works for you once won’t work every time.
Connection is a skill.
And you can learn it. Including how to read the room (or the screen) well enough to know when a simple “hi” is enough and when it isn’t.
If you’ve been sending “hi” into the void, or hovering at the edge of the circle because you can’t find the right first word, let’s figure out which one you actually need.
Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation, bring one real moment (the message that went nowhere, the party where you hovered), and we’ll look at what’s actually coming across.
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
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Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Which is harder for you: saying “hi” in person, or knowing what to say beyond “hi” online?
Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.