September 30: You shouldn't have to teach someone to love you.

I saw something online this week that I wanted to share with you:

"My mom once said to me: Never teach a man how to be your man. Don't ask him to show you off. Don't ask him to text you. Don't ask him to care for you. Don't ask him to bring you flowers, plan dates, or convince him to love you. The right man will do everything and more naturally, without being asked."

I agree.

And I'd say it's true of all genders and all relationships.

We've all been there.

Begging someone to love us the way we need to be loved.

Handing them the playbook, the flowchart, the highlighted study guide with helpful sticky notes... and getting nothing back but heartache.

Now, before my fellow Ask culture fans grab their pitchforks: asking isn't the problem.

Asking for a hug at the right moment, or for help hauling the groceries inside?

That's healthy.

That's how people who like each other learn each other.

What I'm talking about is teaching someone the very basic building blocks of having a relationship with you at all.

Why texting back matters.

Why showing up matters.

Why you matter.

If you're writing the instruction manual for someone's basic interest in you, the manual isn't the problem.

So find the people who fit you naturally, not the ones you have to force to fit.

The ones who make an effort to understand you rather than argue with you.

The ones who listen when you say something doesn't work for you, and want to change it because they want you to feel good around them.

The ones who fill you up every day instead of draining you.

The people you feel more yourself around, not the ones who make you shrink.

And when you screw up (because we're all gloriously, embarrassingly human), the ones who meet you with compassion and inspire you to be better.

That's what BEST-fit relationships feel like.

Now flip it around for a second.

Have you been the one forcing the fit?

Twisting yourself into whatever shape you thought they wanted, hoping this version would finally be enough?

And the other side of the coin: are you someone people get to be more themselves around?

Do you listen, adjust, and show up without needing a syllabus?

Both questions matter.

Knowing what you need and becoming someone worth choosing is SELF-ish love in action.

If you're tired of handing out playbooks (or following ones that never worked), let's talk.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me.

We'll look at where you've been forcing fits, and what it takes to find the people who fit you naturally.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Hit reply and tell me: what's one thing you had to "teach" a partner that, looking back, should have come naturally?

Or flip it: what's something someone did for you without being asked that made you feel completely seen?