September 15: Why does he stop trying?
I saw a question in a relationship group I'm part of this week that is so common, I wanted to share it with you:
"Why is it after a while in a relationship the guy stops being intimate?"
The comments did what comments do.
Everyone had a theory.
Everyone was sure they were right.
Here's what I posted back:
I'm gonna say that's a human thing, not just a man thing.
There are many reasons this happens.
Often people stop dating and creating romance when the relationship feels secure.
Sometimes when people are too familiar, they lose their desire.
Sometimes it's porn. Or an affair.
Sometimes, it was just an act to begin with, meant to get the relationship, never intended to be sustained.
Sometimes, people try so hard to get the relationship, the effort collapses in on itself, and they let themselves go.
Sometimes, it's a medical issue or a side effect of medication.
There are so many reasons on all sides.
Without deeper understanding, no one here can answer this for you and your situation.
Good luck. 🍀
I wasn't being cagey. I was being honest.
Because here's the thing about intimacy fading:
It's rarely one cause with one fix.
It's usually a tangle.
Security, habit, resentment, biology, unmet expectations that never got said out loud…
And most people go looking for the single villain in the story, because a single villain is easier to fight than a slow accumulation of small things.
So if you're sitting with a version of this question, whether it's your intimacy that faded or your partner's, I'd ask you this instead:
When did you last actually talk about it, out loud, without it turning into a fight or a shutdown?
Not "why don't you want me anymore."
The real conversation.
The one underneath that one.
That's usually where the actual answer lives.
If you want help finding it, that's exactly what a Big Ask consult is for.
Fifteen minutes, no pressure, just a real look at what's going on and whether working together makes sense.
Book your free 15-minute Big Ask consultation → https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
Good luck out there. 🍀
--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Looking back at a relationship where intimacy faded, do you know now what the real reason was? Or is it still a mystery to you?
I read every reply.