September 4: Do you even LIKE the person you love?

I've written about the friendzone more times than I can count.

Back in 2017 I wrote "Friendzoned? That's Because You're A Buttnugget."

Since then I've broken it into two flavors: pretending you want friendship when you actually want more, and pretending you want friendship when you actually want less (or nothing at all).

Neither one is honest.

But today I want to zoom out further, because I think we've been skipping a much bigger question.

What does "friend" even mean?

The dictionary says it plainly:

a person you know well, like, and trust.

Simple enough.

Except when I look at how people actually date and love each other, I'm not convinced we spend much time on that middle word.

Like.

Not attraction.

Not chemistry.

Not "do they check my boxes."

Do you actually like them?

I wrote yesterday that of course I want the people I'm intimate with to find me attractive, but that's the dessert, not the main course.

Someone replied, "But without dessert, there won't be a main course."

Maybe they meant it playfully.

It stuck with me anyway, because it's exactly the mindset I keep bumping into: people chasing dessert and calling it dinner.

I saw similar thinking recently in a Facebook group, where someone asked, "What's the realistic timeline for girlfriend/boyfriend status? Is 4-5 dates ok?"

Not "how do I know if I like this person."

Just a timeline.

A status update.

As if knowing, liking and trusting someone is a formality you fill in later.

And then there's a story that's been making the rounds:

“A girl I was dating once asked me what I liked about her. I rattled off a list super easy, gave her a kiss, and smiled. She nodded, took a breath, and asked me ‘what do you like about that's not in service to you?’

This question rocked me and is one I think most men should ask themselves about any woman they're seriously interested in.”

That question should rattle every one of us.

Not just men.

Because I've coached people of every gender who realized, slowly and uncomfortably, that they'd built a whole relationship on resentment, obligation, and quiet contempt for someone they genuinely loved.

Loved.

Just didn't much like.

So here's what I want to ask you today.

Do you LIKE your partner (or partners)?

Not do you love them.

Not are you attracted to them.

If you knew, right now, that this relationship would end, would you still want to spend this time with them?

Enjoy their company, just as company?

Why, or why not?

Sit with that one.

It's worth more than it looks like at first glance.

If the answer made you squirm a little, or you want help looking at it honestly, book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me.

We'll dig into whether you're building something on liking someone, or just on loving the idea of them.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Would you date someone who's still friends with their exes? Green flag, red flag, or totally depends on the person?

Hit reply, I want to hear where you land.