September 2: The power I didn't ask for (but have anyway)…

Last night I went LIVE with Kai Baylis, the creator of Bliss Boogie.

We talked about Bliss Boogie 2026, what is is, why we're working on it together, and what you can expect.

We also talked about power.

Here's the thing nobody tells you when you become one of The People In Charge™:

You don't get a vote on whether you have power.

Other people decide that for you.

• A simple request from me can land like a command.

• A little flirtation can feel like pressure.

• A frown, however unintentional, can feel like censure.

It doesn't matter that I'd never retaliate against someone for telling me no, or pushing back, or not showing up how I wanted.

What matters is whether people believe I might.

That belief is the power.

I don't get to opt out of it just because I don't feel powerful.

And here's the part that stings a little:

All the assumptions that come bundled with that perceived power?

They're hurtful.

Even when I'm not misusing anything.

Even when I'm just... doing the work, showing up, giving my time and my money and my emotional bandwidth to build something good.

This isn't a boo-hoo.

I love building community and events.

I've been doing it for years, I know the trade-offs, and most days the good outweighs the sting by a mile.

But knowing there's more to me than the power I hold doesn't make the imbalance disappear.

Perceived or not, it's real.

And it's mine to manage responsibly.

Not mine to wave away.

So Kai and I made a decision for Bliss Boogie.

Beyond the usual feedback and reporting channels, Bliss Boogie now has another option:

You can report us (me, Kai, our whole team) to someone outside of us entirely. Someone trained in power dynamics and mediation, with zero loyalty to our egos. If we ever overstep, we won't be the ones handling it.

We also tightened up a few boundaries for play on the grounds:

Staff working the event don't engage in sexual contact with ticket holders during Bliss Boogie. Keeps the dynamics clean, keeps everyone safer.

Presenters and volunteers don't initiate or accept sexual contact while on duty.

Off duty, presenters won't initiate a request. But they're open to being asked.

Because power doesn't just live at the top.

It lives in anyone who's perceived as more connected, more in-charge, or more in-the-know.

A workshop presenter.

A popular Discord mod.

The friend who "knows everyone" at the party.

Kai and I shared the the basics last night.

Watch or listen to the replay: https://blissboogiefestival.com/bblive

Where do you feel power you didn't ask for?

At work, in your friend group, in a relationship?

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I would love to know where this landed for you. Ever been on either side of this? The one holding power you didn't want, or the one reacting to power you weren't sure was even real?

Hit reply. I read every single one.