July 30: “If you don't want it printed, don't let it happen.”

A week ago, I heard a social media influencer respond to someone upset about her calling out their caught-on-camera abusive behavior.

Her response:

"If you don't want it printed, then don't let it happen."

I made a note and moved on.

Except my brain didn't.

Seven days later, out of nowhere, it hands me a memory of my abusive ex-husband.

Specifically, how upset he'd get whenever I talked to friends or family about our relationship.

Over years, that turned into isolation, one conversation at a time.

And because I didn't know better yet, it seemed almost reasonable.

Looking back?

I just shake my head at how naive I was.

I've watched other friends live through some version of this, too.

They open up to me, or to a group of friends, about what they're going through.

And their partner gets upset.

"You're turning them against me."
"They don't need to know every mistake I make."
"They don't know the whole truth."

Here's my response to that: “Yeah, and?”

That's what friends are for.

Your friends know your side of the story too, by the way.

What's that, you don't have any?

That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.

If you don't want it talked about, don't do it.

Or, as I told a friend going through this exact thing recently:

“They're more worried about what your friends hear than about whether they actually make you happy. That's telling.”

I'm sharing this because I'd guess most of us have stood on both sides of it.

A partner who gets twitchy the moment you mention talking to a friend about them.

Who flinches when "therapist" comes up in the same sentence as their name.

Who wants your outside world small enough that they're the only version of the story you ever hear…

And the quieter, uglier version of managing your own PR instead of managing your relationship.

If that quote landed somewhere uncomfortable and you want to talk it through, book a free 15-minute Big Ask session.

We'll figure out what's actually going on, and what to do about it.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you ever caught yourself trying to manage what people would think, instead of managing whether you were actually happy?

Hit reply. I want to hear it.