July 28: A Tinder reject, an angry reply, and one tiny word that blew his cover.

“Hello Lady Heather (Nookie), I reached out to you on Tinder but didn't get a response. Hoping to make a connection here so hit me up the first chance you get. Take care lovely lady!”

That landed in my inbox last week.

Not from Tinder.

From my business, because apparently a rejection in one place is just an invitation to try another door.

One of my team members wrote back:

“James, Tinder is set up for MUTUAL consent/match on purpose. If Heather wants to match with you, I'm sure she will. Otherwise, maybe don't try to circumvent that limitation, showing clearly that you don't really care what she wants, and that you're a total creep to her assistant. Who will not, by the way, be sharing this with her. Be better.”

James did not take this well.

“Creep??? I realize that venue was not Tinder, but for you to resort to name calling when my message to Heather was nothing but respectful and complimentary reveals who the real creep is. Plus, keep your "be better" comment. It's laughable.”

Now.

Setting aside the deeply obvious problem here (trying to force your way into someone's inbox after they've already told you no, in a different space, is not respectful, it's relentless), I want to point you toward something smaller.

Something almost everyone misses.

James' but.

I wrote about this back in 2018.

When we drop a "but" into the middle of a sentence, it does something sneaky.

It quietly negates everything before it, and tells the listener the real point is coming next.

That first little chunk of words becomes an emotional sop.

A sacrifice offered so almost nobody actually believes it or takes anything good from it.

James knew exactly what he'd done.

"I realize that venue was not Tinder" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.

It's an admission dressed up as a footnote.

And what he wanted?

Far more important to him.

So the "but" shows up, and the manufactured outrage comes marching in right behind it.

Here's the part I actually want you to sit with, though.

I know you've used a "but" like that.

I have too.

We all have, and some of us still do it more than we'd like to admit.

I'm not telling you this to shame you. Maybe to roast James a little.

But not you.

I'm sharing it for two reasons.

First, people who pay close attention to language spot this instantly, and people who don't will often feel it land wrong even if they can't say why.

It helps to know whaat you're actually communicating versus what you meant to.

Second, and maybe more importantly:

I want you to recognize it when someone hands you a "but."

Because you will hear it again.

Probably soon.

If you've ever wondered why a conversation with someone left you feeling talked past instead of heard, this is often exactly why.

Let's dig into the language patterns showing up in your own dating and relationship conversations.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation, and let's spot your buts before someone else uses one on you.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you caught yourself doing the "but" thing? Or caught someone doing it to you?

Hit reply and tell me what happened. I promise I won't tell James.

P.P.S. Super Early Bird pricing for Bliss Boogie is only good through the end of July.

Grab your ticket before the price climbs: https://blissboogiefestival.com/tickets