June 26: You're allowed to STFU. The internet didn't ask.

So I stumbled into another comment section this week.

(I know. I know. But it’s better than anything on TV…)

A woman had posted asking why men pile on when women state preferences.

She likes tall men, she wants a guy who makes money, and that should be okay.

And honestly she's not wrong that she's allowed to want those things.

She absolutely is.

But I commented something that apparently broke several brains.

I said:

People of all genders react poorly when others broadcast preferences that bump up against their insecurities.

Especially when those preferences are unsolicited.

You are welcome to love men who are exactly 6'3" with reddish hair and green eyes who make at least $75k a year.

Go onya. Get it, girl.

Having those preferences means you select for what you want.

Full stop.

It doesn't mean announcing your criteria to the internet, reciting your requirements to men who don't fit the mold, or implying that anyone who falls outside those specs is somehow less of a human being.

(And of course men do this too, by the way.

A picture of the actress cast as Supergirl was posted and guys started dissecting her teeth. Because they didn't look like veneers?

She's not a Kardashian.

She's a person.

But these men have gotten so used to a very specific beauty standard that they felt completely fine pressing it onto a stranger who never asked—and who, let's be honest, would probably never give them the time of day.)

Getting upset at that kind of behavior is natural. And right.

In both cases, the issue isn't the preference.

It's the announcement.

What you're attracted to, what you require, who makes your list…that's yours.

Keep it.

But unless someone asks, why share something that's only going to make another person feel like less?

So I said all of that.

And a woman immediately called me a "pick-me" and insisted that talking about preferences is normal.

To which I replied:

Normal is not the same as good. Or effective. Or kind. It's normal for people in relationships to be miserable. That doesn't make it a goal. Be better.

This week, I'm offering Fight Less, Love More: Simple steps to transform tension into togetherness as a gift because what we've normalized and what actually works and brings joy are not the same thing.

Reply with "Fight Less" and I'll send you a copy.

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I'd love to know your take on this one. Do you think there's a line between having preferences and broadcasting them? Or is it all fair game?

Hit reply and tell me where you land.