June 23: It's not always about who's right. Sometimes it's about whose turn it is.

I came across this post on social media yesterday.

A guy in a long-distance relationship, clearly genuinely trying, laying out this spiral of arguments that keeps happening with his partner.

She doesn't feel heard.

He wants to be heard, too.

So he says so.

And suddenly that very statement starts a whole new fight, because now she feels like he's taking her moment away from her.

He's baffled.

She's frustrated.

And they both love each other.

I've seen this exact pattern hundreds of times.

Hell, I’ve DONE this pattern more times than I can count.

And here's what nobody tells you: you're doing it wrong, and you're doing it for completely understandable reasons.

When someone brings a problem to the table, the only job in that conversation is to work through that problem.

Not to rebut.

Not to counter.

Not to say "well, I also want to be heard."

It's not your turn.

I know that feels uncomfortable to hear.

It can feel unfair.

But here's the thing: the only reason most people bring up their own stuff in the middle of someone else's issue is because it feels like the one moment they'll get attention.

As a defense.

As a rebuttal.

To not lose the thread.

(This is especially common in neurospicy folks who have spent a lifetime feeling misunderstood/unheard.)

If your issues matter enough to solve, they're worth starting a conversation yourself.

Not piggybacking onto theirs.

Not slipping them in sideways.

Actually sitting down and saying, "Hey. I need us to talk about something."

Work through their thing completely.

Save yours for when it's really needed and you're ready to make it the main event.

I wrote a whole book about the mechanics of conflict in relationships, how to fight less, and how to actually love more in the space you create.

It's called Fight Less, Love More: Simple steps to transform tension into togetherness.

If you want a free copy, just reply with "Fight Less" and I'll send you a link.

Just because I can.

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you ever been in this exact spot, where you both want to be heard at the same time and it turns into a fight about that?

Hit reply and tell me what happened. I genuinely want to know.