June 16: This is actually good news. (I promise.)

Last week I shared a piece of a rant from a man online who was very upset about "modern dating" and how it's made women "terrible communicators."

He had a list.

Dry replies.

Zero effort.

Expecting men to carry the whole conversation.

Today I want to zoom in on just that part.

My response to anyone who puts in zero effort or expects me to carry the entire interaction?

Buh-bye.

I unmatch.

I block.

No online post.

No rant.

No explanation.

Because them being the way they are has nothing to do with me.

Here's the thing about dating apps that I don't think people talk about enough:

They are working exactly as designed.

Their job is to bring you into contact with people you might not otherwise meet.

That means people who vibe with you and people who absolutely do not.

People who share your standards for communication and people who think a "hey" is a perfectly complete opening move.

Is that the app's fault?

I don't think so.

If you're a well-educated, thoughtful person looking for someone who can hold a real conversation, you might find them on an app.

But the app is also going to show you everyone else.

That's the deal.

And it is entirely up to you to filter for your values, your preferences, your needs, and your desires.

One mutual swipe does not a match make.

A short bio isn't going to tell you everything.

The conversation (or the notable lack of one) will be a start.

And getting upset about that isn't going to bring your person to you any faster.

It's just hard on your nervous system.

This is why I talk about boundaries and standards constantly.

Not just in relationships, but in how you find them. In how you start them.

The people out there sending a one-word opener aren't doing it to hurt you. They're just doing what feels natural to them. If that doesn't work for you, they are not your fit.

That is a fast, cheap result.

Take it and move on.

Do I sometimes get a little sad that people don't want to put in the effort?

Yes, of course!

And then I remember: the people who aren't putting in effort wouldn't be in my life anyway.

Anything that works is a bonus.

Anything that doesn't is data.

Wondering how to set up your dating life so you're filtering for what you want instead of just reacting to what you get?

That's exactly what we talk about in the Big Ask consultation.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. What's your honest take: are the apps the problem, or is it the way we're using them?

Hit reply and tell me. I want to know what you actually think.