June 15: "Here's my number" (no one asked)
I don't give out my phone number on dating apps.
Not as a rule, exactly.
More like... a preference that became a rule because of how often people make it weird.
If we've met in real life and I feel a connection? Sure.
But before that? No.
My number is not a gold star for showing up in my inbox.
Here's what I get a lot:
"Here's my number, I prefer to text."
(I don't care what you prefer.)
"Why don't we text? I'm not on here much."
(SIR. You signed up for this app just like I did. You are not a scarce commodity. You're not "going fast." Although your expiration date might be coming up quickly.)
"It's easier to plan by text…"
(Easier than by… texting through an app?)
Look, I get it.
Many apps genuinely suck.
The UX is bad, the notifications are chaos, the interface was designed by someone who has never actually tried to flirt. I also know firsthand how hard it is to build an app.
Been there, done that.
So I'm not dismissing the frustration.
But sucky or not, this is where you are.
And trying to hustle someone off the app, away from moderators, away from reporting tools, before you've built any trust?
That's not a convenience move.
That's a flag on the play.
Especially when "I'm not on here much" is followed by an immediate reply every single time.
If this conversation matters to you, you'll find a way to prioritize it.
As will I.
And if we don't?
Cool.
Probably not a match anyway.
Same goes for non-men, by the way.
Their off-app invitations tend to land differently, but when I ran Dating Kinky, we got reports constantly about behavior that happened off-platform.
Different name, different email, nothing we could do.
The app protects you more than you realize.
So what if you do have valid reasons to move the conversation off-app?
Two options. That's it:
1. Wait for the other person to offer. Let them lead when they're ready.
2. Ask with a respect to boundaries. "Here's my number, if you're open to it. If not, I'm also happy to keep chatting here." And mean it.
That's it.
That easy.
That simple.
If you're finding that people are pulling back, going quiet, or outright blocking you before you even get to the good stuff, it might be worth a conversation.
Book a free 15-minute Big Ask with me and let's talk about what might actually be getting in the way:
https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask
--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Have you ever been on the receiving end of the number push? Or maybe you've been the one doing it?
Hit reply and tell me what happened. I read every single one.