June 11: About that "hypocrisy" she thinks she spotted…

I got a message yesterday that made me snort.

"I've followed you for years. Didn't you use to reply to every message you got, and didn't you declare that publicly?"

Yes.

Yes I did.

Here's the thing:

When I started online back in 19-mumble-mumble, the internet was a genuinely interesting place.

People online were more like... themselves.

They showed up curious.

The word "troll" described a mean-spirited creature under a bridge, not a mean-spirited creature who typed "Bwc 10 in cum big bina thing goes group swap solo" into my inbox at 11pm on a Tuesday.

And I loved the potential connecting.

Even with the slightly-off-target attempts.

Even with the awkward openers.

Because more often than not, there was an actual human on the other end making an actual effort.

Then came the pandemic.

And something shifted (at least in my view).

These days, out of every 10 messages I get, maybe one shows genuine curiosity or a modicum of effort for human connection.

The rest?

Scripts.

Performances.

People who aren't engaging with me so much as they're running a program at me.

Like the guy who was confident I was "obviously interested" because I'd swiped right on him.

I corrected him gently: I was open to being interested.

He assured me that once I met him, I'd be MORE than interested.

I blocked him.

Not because I was offended.

Because he wasn't talking to me.

He was talking to the character in his head he'd already decided I was.

There's no conversation to be had there.

So yes, I used to answer everything.

I enjoyed it.

When it stopped being enjoyable, I stopped.

That's not hypocrisy.

That's a boundary.

And it's always been my choice to make.

Which is kind of the whole point of everything I teach.

If you're curious whether your approach to dating is opening doors or talking to characters you've invented, let's chat.

A free 15-minute Big Ask consultation is a good place to start.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you ever felt like someone online was running a script instead of actually talking to you?

Hit reply. I want to hear about it.