Jun 10: Modern dating didn't invent ghosting.

Yesterday I told you about a guy who ranted online about modern dating.

He declared that modern dating has turned women into terrible communicators.

His evidence?

Several bullet points.

One was that women ghost.

Let's zoom in on that.

Ghosting.

Big topic.

Loaded word.

And I'd argue the word itself has been stretched so thin it barely means anything.

The Oxford English Dictionary traces "ghosting" back to 1983, used in African American communities to describe someone who left.

As in: packed up, disappeared from an actual relationship.

Months, years, gone.

No trace.

That's what ghosting was. That's how I still think of it.

These days?

A lot of people use it to mean "didn't reply to my third app message."

We are not the same.

But let's play along.

Let's say the word has evolved (English is a living language, however much that pains me sometimes).

What's actually wrong with not replying to someone you've never met?

And here's the thing our ranting friend conveniently skipped:

I've been ghosted. Not by women.

So the idea that this is a women problem is just... no.

Does ghosting sting? Yes.

Especially for neurospicy people.

Anyone who gets half a song looping in their brain on repeat knows what an unfinished pattern feels like.

Ghosting can be legitimately hard for people wired that way, or for those who carry rejection sensitivity or anxiety.

But is silence always worse than "No, thank you"?

Not for everyone.

And here's why: some people do not accept "no."

The guy who was turned down three times in a row, then cornered the woman when he saw her out later.

The person who called me a "pustulent cvnt" after days of flattery when I wasn't feeling it.

The woman who sent three separate manifestos about why she was right to sneak into my events.

Some people choose silence because they've learned the hard way that words start a war.

So if you're on the receiving end of a non-reply, here's the whole script: send one message.

"Hey, hope you're well. I enjoyed [whatever], I'd love to see you again."

Then stop.

Their response, or lack of one, is the answer.

It is communication.

Silence says something.

The moment you accept that, the pattern completes itself.

You can move on.

If you're struggling with this, or with how to show up in dating without the anxiety spiral that comes after, let's talk.

Book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation.

It's not a sales pitch. It's you and me figuring out the one thing you keep getting stuck on.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Want to go deeper on ghosting? I recorded a video with Zach Budd back in 2021 called Kinky Question of the Week: Ghosting: Is it ever appropriate? When?