June 3: A man on social media explained orgasms to women.

I don't usually wade into comment threads on social media.

I usually just reply to the original post directly and go about my way.

People are allowed to have their opinions.

And they are allowed to be wrong.

But this time someone said something so spectacularly incorrect that I couldn't just scroll past it.

A woman had asked a vulnerable, honest question about sex and orgasms with her partner.

The replies were mostly helpful, and then a man showed up to explain that women who can't orgasm from penetration just "haven't figured out how" and need to "train their bodies."

facepalm

So, I replied.

Here's what I told him:

Human bodies are wildly varied.

You know how DNA is unique to each person? And fingerprints? Even ear prints?

There's another part the human body that most people don't know much about.

The pudendal nerve system, which serves all the "below the waist" pleasure zones (yes, including the back door).

And that is also unique to each human.

The pudendal nerve determines what kind of stimulation reaches which areas, and how intensely.

About 70% of people cluster around the average, but there is a huge range on either side.

Some people have nerve pathways that make penetration-based orgasm straightforward.

Most don't.

And that's not a flaw, a failure, or a training problem.

It's just their body.

Add in psychological factors, medical factors, the relational dynamics... and what we're really talking about is a wildly complex, deeply personal system that cannot be generalized into "she just hasn't tried hard enough."

The real issue isn't technique (although I highly recommend studying up).

It's that so many people—of all genders—go through their whole lives not truly understanding their own pleasure, and either faking it, avoiding it, or silently wondering if something's wrong with them.

Nothing is wrong with you.

You deserve to understand how your body works.

And you deserve partners who want to figure that out with you, not partners who treat your pleasure like an inconvenience or not enough studying.

If you've ever felt self-conscious in bed, or wondered why something "works" for everyone else but not for you, let's talk.

A free 15-minute Big Ask session is a good place to start.

No pressure, no pitch, just a real conversation about what you want and how to get there.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Does this land for you? Have you ever been made to feel like your body's pleasure response was a problem to be solved—or worse, your fault?

Hit reply. I actually read these.