May 28: You don't need the right vocabulary to deserve help.

I was scrolling a forum recently when I came across a post from a guy who shared something vulnerable.

He talked about how his porn addiction had quietly erased his motivation to actually pursue anyone, and how he'd spent four years watching that happen before he connected the dots.

He wasn't preaching.

He was processing out loud.

Someone jumped in to correct him.

"Porn addiction is not scientifically recognised," they wrote. "'Porn-addiction' is an American religious invention." Signed: "From a psychologist who works with these things."

Here's the thing.

They weren't entirely wrong.

The clinical language around compulsive behavior is genuinely contested.

I'll give them that.

But here's what they were: useless.

And possibly harmful.

Because whether you call it addiction, compulsion, or nervous system rewiring that made real relationships feel like too much work, the man in that post experienced something real.

Something that cost him years of his life.

And the response he got was a vocabulary lesson with a side of "you're being dramatic."

That's not education.

That's pedantry wearing a credential as a costume.

I think about this a lot.

I'm not a therapist.

Not a psychologist.

I have certifications, and I am definitely certifiable.

What I have most, though, is a genuine interest in helping people see themselves more clearly, not in making them feel small for using the wrong word.

49% of psychologists are below average. (Shoutout to statistics.)

A degree tells you someone sat through a lot of classes and passed a lot of tests. (I’m not actually knocking degrees—I have deep respect for them. They are just ONE type of brain work.)

A degree does not tell you if they're kind, or wise, or actually good at this.

The people I work with don't need to be corrected.

They don’t need to be shamed.

They need to be understood, and then gently, honestly, shown a different way of looking at things.

If you've been carrying something around in your dating life and you're not even sure what to call it yet, that's fine. We can figure out the name together.

Book a free Big Ask consultation.

Fifteen minutes.

No credential required to show up.

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you ever had someone respond to your vulnerability with a correction instead of compassion? Or maybe you’ve been the pedant in the room yourself? (No judgment, I've been there.)

Hit reply. I'd genuinely love to hear about it.