May 19: He became a creep right in front of my eyes.

I keep seeing men on social media complaining that women are mean when rejecting them.

I’ll be honest, it genuinely puzzles me, because most of the women I know go out of their way to avoid being cruel.

As a matter of habit.

So I've been sitting with three questions:

1. Is this a shift in women's behavior I'm somehow missing?

2. Is this a reaction to something specific the man said or did?

3. Or is it a reaction to the overall vibe of the situation?

I'm going with door number two and door number three in most cases. Here's why.

Last week, downtown.

Nicely dressed guy, better than average looking, catches my glance and smile (you know, the one you give a stranger in passing) and decides that's an invitation.

He stops in my way on a busy lunchtime sidewalk. People are literally walking around us.

He compliments me. I say thanks and step aside. He steps with me.

I step again. He steps with me, aggressively.

I say, "I'm not in a hurry, I'm just not interested." He keeps going.

That's when I said, loudly: "I am not interested, would you please stop blocking my path, you creep."

People stopped and stared.

He immediately relaxed, looked surprised, put his hands up, and said, "I was just complimenting your smile, lady."

That's scenario two.

This past Sunday.

One of those aggressively cheerful ACLU canvassers locks eyes on my gorgeous friend and practically drools, "Are you all as friendly as you are stylish?"

Without missing a beat, I said "No," and kept walking.

He fell back.

My friends kept pace.

Do I know him? No.

But I know that situation.

I've been kind and friendly. I've even donated to the ACLU.

But give them a millimeter and they don't stop.

I hear women say all the time, "I don't want to be mean. I don't want to be a bitch. Do I have to be rude for them to understand?"

Here's the truth:

They understand, they don’t care.

You have to be rude to make them stop.

(Note: yes, there are people of every gender who don't read a room. This speaks to one very common, very specific experience, not all of the world's ills. Want me to tackle a different topic? Tell me.)

If this landed somewhere on your chest, and you're wondering how these dynamics are affecting your dating life and relationships, let's talk.

The Big Ask is a free 15-minute consultation. Come with your questions.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

--
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Have you been in a situation where being "nice" made things worse, not better? (Gender does not matter here.)

Hit reply and tell me about it.