May 18: Is there a CyrAIno in your relationship?

Someone asked me recently if I'd want to know if a partner was using AI to make their messages to me more... something.

More romantic.

More articulate.

More dominant.

More whatever they thought I wanted.

The person asking already knew I'm an authenticity person, so they were curious whether their visceral "ew, no" reaction was a them thing, or something more universal.

Honest answer?

I'd want to know.

And I'd count it against them.

I've received AI-generated texts.

From friends, from strangers.

Sometimes with "Here's that message in a casual and friendly voice:" still attached at the top, which is chef's kiss as far as evidence goes.

And look, I get the impulse.

I am a naturally awkward person who grew up making every mistake imaginable (and some truly creative ones you haven't thought of yet).

I did not have a robot to smooth my rough edges.

I'm not saying that in a "I suffered, so you must suffer" way. I'm saying it in a "the suffering was the learning" way.

The cringe, the missteps, the "why did I send that" moments? That was me figuring out how to be a person in relationship with other people.

You can't outsource that.

And AI, bless its little algorithmic heart, is essentially a vanity machine.

It will validate you, agree with you, and invent facts to support you.

There's actually a term for the human version of this: vanity therapy, where people specifically seek out providers who affirm rather than challenge them.

It's been studied and discussed for over two decades. [source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15141398/ ]

AI does this better, faster, and for free.

So what you get when you use AI to manage your relationship communications is a version of you that's been... optimized. Polished. Performed.

And the person on the other end of that conversation?

They're falling for the performance, not the person.

That matters.

That matters a lot.

I want to know and love the actual human.

Flaws, awkward texts, weird pauses and all.

And I want you to be known that way too.

After all, it's never going to fly to pull out AI mid-argument to help you make your point.

That moment is coming in any real relationship. Might as well show up as yourself from the start.

If you've been wondering whether your communication style in dating is helping or hurting you, and you want a real human (hi, that's me) to think through it with you, book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation.

No optimization required.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. What's your take on this? Would you want to know if a partner or date was using AI to communicate with you?

Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.