May 12: You've heard of demisexual. But have you heard of this?

You've probably heard the word demisexual by now.

Someone who needs an emotional connection before the sexual attraction kicks in. It makes sense to most people.

It feels safe. It feels romantic, even.

But flip it.

What if you're someone who needs the sexual connection to be present before the emotional one can develop?

What if the feelings don't come first for you, they come after (if they come at all)?

That's megasexual. And it's real.

And a lot of people who experience it are walking around either pretending they don't, or getting accused of being manipulative just for being honest about it.

Here's the thing that really gets me: a demisexual who develops feelings doesn't guarantee the sex will work.

And a megasexual who develops a sexual connection doesn't guarantee the emotions will follow.

Both are valid.

Both require honesty.

Neither is a promise of anything.

So why does one get a cute flag and a Wikipedia page while the other gets treated like a scheme?

The assumption that megasexuals are lying to get access to someone's body is one of the most pervasive and unfair misreads of how attraction actually works.

And because of that assumption, a lot of people quietly drop this information about themselves and try to force emotional connections they simply don't have the foundation for yet.

Or worse, they fake it.

Which helps no one.

Knowing yourself is only the first step.

The second is being able to say it out loud without it becoming a sales pitch, a pressure campaign, or a people-pleasing performance.

You can be honest about how you're wired without putting that on someone else to fix or accelerate.

You can also be honest when the sexual spark is there but the feelings aren't building, rather than staying because leaving feels like failing.

That is consent.

Not just "yes" or "no" in a single moment, but two people, both informed, navigating something together without one of them hiding who they are to manage the outcome.

Sex-positive spaces still get this one wrong sometimes.

But you don't have to.

If you want to talk through how you're wired and what that actually means for the relationships you're building, book a free 15-minute Big Ask consultation with me.

It's a real conversation, not a pitch, and it's a great place to start getting honest about what you actually need from a connection.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Are you megasexual? Demisexual? Something else entirely that doesn't have a word yet?

Hit reply and tell me. I'm genuinely curious, and I read every single one.