March 12: Nobody wants to be your goal.

Let's talk about THE MEN for a second.

Specifically, what they've been taught to do with their lives.

Set goals.

Stay persistent.

Work hard, push through failure, and never stop driving toward the thing you want.

For hundreds of thousands of years, those traits kept humans alive — hunting, ranging, reproducing, surviving. And they still work today. They get you promotions, raises, financial stability. A life you're actually proud of.

Those traits?

Genuinely useful.

You know where they don't work?

I think you already know.

Romance. Love. The whole messy, gorgeous, terrifying project of connecting with another human being.

Now, before you interrupt me, I’m not saying couple goals don't matter. I'm not saying persistence in a long-term relationship is bad. And I'm definitely not touching sex drive right now.

(That's a whole other email.)

What I'm saying is that the same framework that built your career?

It may quietly wrecking your romantic life or preventing it from ever happening.

Here's the thing: women have had to develop those exact same traits to survive.

Feminism, capitalism, the economy — pick your villain.

But the world changed, and women changed with it.

Which means "winning" a man isn't a survival strategy anymore. It's more of a nice-to-have. So when you show up to dating like it's a job interview with goals, metrics, and a relentless willingness to push through a "no”…you're not being driven. You're being exhausting.

I don't know a single person who wants to be someone else's goal.

Persistence past a "no" isn't romantic.

At best, it's frustrating. At worst, it's a restraining order. And "drive" without emotional intelligence isn't attractive — it's a bulldozer in a flower garden.

We absolutely look for those traits in a partner.

The ambition, the capability, the follow-through.

But we don't want those traits used on us.

There's a difference between being with a driven man and being targeted by one.

So here's what I'm curious about: Have you ever treated dating like a project?

Spreadsheets, maybe? Checklists? A certain number of matches you needed to message, or dates you needed to go on, or a timeline you gave yourself to find someone?

How did that work for you?

Hit reply. I genuinely want to know.

And if you're starting to wonder whether your approach might be the variable nobody's pointed out yet, book a free 15-minute Big Ask with me.

Let's look at what you're actually doing, and figure out what might actually work.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. Seriously — have you ever turned dating into a data problem? A goal with KPIs?

Tell me everything. Reply and let's talk about it.