March 9: 13 glasses of water and a very real communication lesson…

I saw a question on social media the other day that got me thinking:

"How often do you tell your partner how you're ACTUALLY feeling?"

Good question. Not necessarily for the internet, but absolutely worth asking yourself.

So I did. And I answered honestly, in four parts.

If it's positive and about him?

As often as possible. I tell him I love him, that his butt is cute, that I'm thinking about him.

I'll text it.

I'll leave a note.

I am not shy with the good stuff.

If it's negative and about him?

I tell him if and when I decide it's not just a mood.

Like, do I get annoyed when he uses 13 different glasses in the morning to drink his water? 🤣 Yes. Do I say anything? No. I laugh at myself, let it go, and revisit it later if it turns out to be a real thing worth discussing. And when I do bring it up, I wait until I'm no longer emotionally activated, and I invite a conversation rather than launch one.

If it's positive and not about him?

Probably 50% of the time.

I don't feel the need to narrate my entire inner life to my partner.

He's my person, not my diary.

If it's negative and not about him?

Maybe 20%.

That's what friends are for—to commiserate, to get a little bitchy with, to debrief the day.

What I do ask him for is a hug, or a foot rub, or a smooch. Whatever will bring me back to center.

When I reread my answer, I thenasked myself:

Do I feel good about this communication level?

It didn't take long.

Yes.

Straightforwardly, simply, yes.

I don't feel afraid to talk to him. The important things get said. And I'm not burying him in daily minutiae that doesn't matter.

Then I thought about the other side.

He shares a lot with me. But again, not the so much noise. Just the signal. It feels both intimate and comfortable.

Not overwhelming.

Not sparse.

So I'm asking you the same question:

How often do you tell your partner how you're actually feeling?

And maybe more importantly, do you feel good about your answer?

If you're not sure, or if your gut just went "oof,” that's worth exploring. That's exactly what my free Big Ask is for. It's a 15-minute conversation where we look at what's working (and what's not) in your relationships and communication. No pitch, no pressure, just clarity.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I'd genuinely love to know how you answered that question: the four categories, the one that surprised you, the one you avoided.

Hit reply. I read every one.