March 4: Some things you can't fake. This is one of them.

Someone asked me yesterday:

"Don't you think 'no chemistry' is just a clichéd way of saying 'I'm superficial'?"

Nope.

And honestly? The way they framed that question tells me they might not fully understand chemistry and that they could actually be more superficial than the average person.

Here's the difference:

Superficiality is judging someone based on a visual—or a stat.

Height.

Income.

Whatever metric your brain has decided makes someone worthy of your time. That's a judgment call about a person. It dismisses the human in favor of the data point.

That's not what I'm talking about. And it's not what chemistry is.

Chemistry is alchemy.

It's a spell.

It's something that can transmute a lack of physical attraction into a pull that is overwhelmingly, embarrassingly magnetic.

Eye contact that you feel in your chest. Touch that rushes through you like current. Laughter that somehow lands in your loins. Conversation that fills you up while simultaneously making you crave more.

Butterflies.

That delicious, disorienting sensation of being completely captivated by another human being—even when you know, rationally, that they are not objectively the most attractive person in the room.

In that moment? They are the most interesting human alive.

And if you're wrong, you don't want to be right.

And then there's the other side:

The person who looks perfect. They hit every item on your mental checklist. Who (on paper) is everything you think you want.

And your body just goes: "Nope. Not that one."

Anyone who has ever had a terrible first kiss knows this feeling exactly.

The hope crashing headlong into disappointment. The body going dead and dry and limp in the precise moment you'd been hoping for fireworks.

Something is missing.

And it will probably always be missing.

Because chemistry cannot be forced.

Scientists have suggested it might be physiological. An unconscious biological communication happening below the level of our conscious awareness.

Micro body language signals telling us we're not a match.

Pheromones.

Genetic signalling.

Nobody fully knows. But it is very real, and it is the opposite of superficiality.

Superficiality ignores the human. Chemistry is the human. At the most primal, honest, inexplicable level.

If you want to talk about what's actually getting in the way of connection beyond the superficial for you, that's what my Big Ask Consultation is for. Fifteen minutes, no pitch, just clarity.

https://my.curiouser.life/15-minutes-big-ask

Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)

P.S. I'd love to hear from you on this one! Have you ever felt undeniable chemistry with someone who didn't fit your "type"? Or had zero spark with someone who seemed perfect?

Hit reply. These are my favorite conversations.