February 17: I farkled that right up.
Good morning. Today I need to start with my mistake.
Yesterday I told you that Learn to Love Anal was tonight.
It’s not.
It’s Thursday, I’m sorry.
Between some technical rabbit holes I’ve been spelunking and a few adjustments to a treatment I’m going through, I’ve been a bit…wonky lately.
So.
Thursday evening. 8pm ET.
If you already rearranged your life for the wrong day, I owe you a cookie. Or at least a mildly sheepish smile.
And today? I don’t have anything profoundly philosophical to hand you.
Just this piece I found online from @RemodeledLove on FB that made me go, yep. That.
“Demisexual vs Vibesexual
Lately I've been realizing that demisexual might not actually be the best label for how attraction works for me.
Because yes...emotional connection matters to me. A lot. That part fits.
But for many demisexuals that emotional connection takes time. Like you slowly build a bond over weeks or months, and then attraction appears.
And for me? It's not a time thing at all.
It's a vibe thing.
And the vibe?
You either have it or you don't. And when it's there, it's usually obvious pretty quickly. Which is why I've been joking that maybe I'm not demisexual... maybe
I'm just vibesexual. Can we coin that?
I would like to submit #Vibesexual for official consideration.
Because what I've realized recently is that what I need in a sexual connection more than anything is to feel like someone truly knows who they have when they're with me.
I live for those moments where they're so overwhelmed by their attraction that it pours out of them. Like when you're making out and they pull back and look at you and the words, "Oh my god you're so sexy" spill out of them in such a way you know they're not faking it; where it's clear I couldn't just be any girl from the bar/club/dating app.
Where it is me specifically that they want, and they can actually express that.
My friend Evita Sawyers calls this "unambiguous desire." And whew...that phrase rearranged my brain chemistry.
Because yes. That's exactly it. I don't need grand gestures or slow burns or mysterious emotional puzzles to decode. I need to know, in NO uncertain terms, that you are into me. That's the demi-ness of it all (for me).
And it's imperative that you can say it, show it, express it clearly.
It feels like the difference between organic free range attraction and "ultra processed" attraction.
So maybe the most accurate label for me isn't about how long it takes to feel attraction.
Maybe it's simply this: If the vibe is there, and the desire is clear and unmistakable? I'm in.
If I have to guess, wonder, or squint to see it or feel it?
The vibe is not vibing.
Make me feel your desire for me, Jessica Daylover...and then I'll drag you to the depths of my Venus in Scorpio underworld and we'll both forget reality for a bit…”
I wanted to share this because one—spot on.
And two—the term vibesexual has already been cited in our circles and elsewhere, but it’s not (yet) ubiquitous.
WhosThatBear, Plushie, and I talked about it inside Ethically Bangable.
I’ve unpacked it in classes.
Just last night I was talking with a friend about unambiguous desire and how much it’s worth.
Sometimes the vibe is immediate. Sometimes it builds.
But when it’s there?
It’s unmistakable.
No guesswork. No squinting. No chatastrophizing.
Just… yes.
So yeah.
Vibesexual.
How does that vibe with you?
If you want to explore chemistry, communication, and how to create experiences that feel like that—Learn to Love Anal is happening Thursday at 8pm.
You can register here: https://offers.curiouser.life/ltla/register
And if you’re curious about the bigger conversations around ethics, desire, and being genuinely, unmistakably wanted—Ethically Bangable is waiting for you in The Studio.
See you Thursday. The correct Thursday. 😏
Rev Heather, aka Nookie, LUQ
https://my.curiouser.life
+1-855-712-5433 (toll-free)
P.S. Are you vibesexual? Demisexual? Something else entirely?
Hit reply and tell me what creates unambiguous desire for you. I’m genuinely curious.